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Festival #37

Friday, June 27, 2003
Papa Swede's

TNT Jackson (1975)Movies:
Lady Cocoa (1975)
TNT Jackson (1975)

XBOX:
Nascar Thunder 2003
Halo

Quotes:
"Congo's backside looks like Billy Idol's smile."
     Masten, during Nascar Thunder 2003

"I've seen better art on a used cotex."
     Lady Cocoa

"I don't care if you're black, green, orange, lemon, or banana."
     Ramses, Lady Cocoa

"You're out of my league. I work standing up, not on my back."
     Diana "TNT" Jackson, TNT Jackson

"I'm Snow White with a sun tan."
     Diana "TNT" Jackson, TNT Jackson

"Four, with a pooper chaser."
     Rainman, counting the number of looks the gay man made at the camel toe

Movie Reviews:

TNT Jackson
Review by Rainman

Interesting Kung Fu moves.
Somewhat unrealistic. Best scene of the movie was when Kung Fu fighter gets arm broken by TNT Jackson. Enjoyed Asian setting. There was a rather greasy looking fellow who beckoned whenever TNT needed help.

Additional comments on TNT Jackson by Archie:
The part of TNT Jackson was played in classic 70’s fashion by former playmate Jeanne Bell. One of the more memorable scenes was the topless kung fu fight between Jackson and a group of bad guys. The bad guys kept turning the light on, while TNT would turn it off - as if to say she could see the bad guys in the dark, but they could not see her because of her skin color. It leaves me to wonder if the great historian, Chicago Cubs manager and black skin expert, Dusty Baker, was consulted for this scene. I can hear him now saying, “You can’t see black skin in the dark, right?” This movie was judged good enough by the Senior Council to be included in the BMTG Top Ten page as an Honorable Mention.

Lady Cocoa
Review by Rainman

Epic movie. Stellar perfomances by NFL players Mean Joe Greene and Gene Washington.
Filmed in picturesque Lake Tahoe. Lady Cocoa plays mob informant released into the custody of a rather old guy who looks likes Mr. Willis from The Jeffersons. Gene Washington protects Lady Cocoa like no other.

Lots of twists and turns. It turns out that the Mr. Willis look alike is in cahoots with Mean Joe Greene –the assassin.

Additional comments on Lady Cocoa by Archie:
Lola Falana starred as Lady Cocoa and came off as a sickly crack addict with a vulgar mouth that is best encapsulated in the scene where she compares a piece of bad artwork on the wall with a used kotex. While she had too many lines, Mean Joe Greene did not have one speaking part in the entire movie. This film started with tons of potential, but quickly went into a downward spiral that it never could recover from. Very disappointing and not recommended.

Questions:

1. What should be done about the Roger "Pig" Clemens Hall of Fame hat problem?

Masten The Hall should have him enter with the Boston hat, then Boston should refuse to let him.
Congo Redsox
Rainman He should be able to pick his own.
Archie He should enter the Hall with a dunce cap.

2. How many of Sammy Sosa's 500 plus home runs have been hit with a corked bat?

Masten Exactly half as many as he hit with steroids.
Congo None.
Rainman 0.00
Archie 128

3. What is your favorite planet?

Masten Dune
Congo Mars
Rainman Death Star
Archie Jupiter

4. Should toy guns be banned?

Masten I won't give up my toy gun until they pry it from my cold, dead hands.
Congo Yes (refused to elaborate when asked why)
Rainman No
Archie No

Decisions Made:

  1. Approved: After two votes, the proposal to change the BMTG motto and logo from "Welcome to the House of Pain" to "Welcome to the House of Pain and Humiliation" was approved. Congo voted against both times. Rainman abstained in the first vote.
  2. Approved: When responding to BMTG e-mails, the sender needs to "Reply to All." Unanimous approval.
  3. Approved: New Halo rule is that there shall be no looking at your opponents screen during play. Teammates will be on the same side of the screen. If needed, some type of divider will be fashioned. Unanimous approval.
  4. Decision handed down by the Senior Council: Ron Worley shall be officially banned from all future festivals much like Jerry Davis. In addition to not being able to say his name, you can not say, "Hey pal." This decision will be incorporated with BMTG Festival Rule #2, which states, "No mention is to be made of Jerry Davis, his initials, or any remote reference. Violation of this rule will result in immediate expulsion from the group."
  5. Wiffle ball shall resume beginning with the next 2 Mondays, then every Tuesday after that.
  6. There shall be no more baseball road trip cancellations.