Friday, April 30, 2004
Hosted by: Ahchie
Movies:
Happy Days - Demo Derby/Fonzie Loves Pinky (1976)
Spiders (2000)
Outrageous TV Moments, Spongebob, and miscellaneous Diesel television musings
Children of the Living Dead (2001)
Old School (2003)
Return of Superfly (1990)
Quotes:
"Thank you for callin'. What can Mother Love do for you?"
The Diesel
"He's not in the bottle."
Ahchie to Brother Nature, on the location
of Brother Nature's lost dog
"Southern Rock - that's just crap."
The Diesel
Movie Reviews:
Happy Days - Demolition Derby/Fonzie Loves Pinky
Review by ThrocksmortonThis 3-part saga had it all. Love, demolition derby, and of course a Malachi brother talking in a Shakespearean accent. Fonzi and his old lady, Pinky, go off and do motorcycle jumps like no other. They would hold hands and look lovingly into each other’s mug as they rode their bikes. The Fonz and Pinky take part in a demolition derby with the Brothers Malachi. Along with Brothers Malachi are some other schleps that had no crash’em up game at all. When the demolition derby began Mr. C. was sweating like he had some form of glandular disorder. In the next take, though, he is as dry as can be. Richie Cunningham provides the play by play for the local TV station.
While communicating via walkie-talkie, the Fonz and Pinky do quite well in the derby, but the now famous Malachi crunch does Pinky in. Pinky tries to escape from her car at the last second and one of the Malachi brothers T-bones her as she jumps from her car. She is taken by ambulance to the local hospital. Fonzi, seeing this, is now more focused than ever. He pretends to be stalled but at the last minute moves his vehicle and the Malachi Brothers crash, making The Fonz the victor. Fonzi, though, isn’t satisfied. After the race he traps one Malachi brother in the Port-A-Crapper before rushing to the hospital with Richie. Fonz tells Richie that he wants to marry Pinky and proposes marriage after Richie excused himself to get a 44 ounce beverage at AM PM. The Brothers Malachi make their way to the hospital and tell Pinky and Fonzi that they, in an act of good will, have paid Pinky's hospital bills. Fonzi acts like a bad ass for a second, then simmers down.
Once back from the hospital Pinky is set to embark on a nationwide motorcycle jumping tour. She is going to have Fonzi be her chief mechanic. Fonzi is given a small advance via check from Pinky. Fonzi wigs out and feel like an employee and like Mr. Pinky. He can’t accept this and tells Pinky that he can't marry her. Pinky says she will give up her dream of being a motorcycle jumper for him, but Fonzi tells her to pursue her dream without him by her side.
Spiders
Review by The Diesel
A nice update of the Spiders Gone Wild theme. While most spider movies concentrate on having hordes of spiders frighten, cocoon, and devour the populous, Spiders uniquely focuses on one spider at a time. A perky young university reporter, stud photographer, and a cranky computer genius are out looking for flying saucers at a secret government complex when they witness a space shuttle falling from the sky. Uninjured by the nearby crash, and remaining surprisingly calm, the curious young adults explore the wreckage before the MIB's arrived. They find a disturbingly, disfigured astronaut who looks like the Second Coming of Rocky Dennis. As if his day isn't already shot to hell, while pleading for a little TLC the dying astronaut is impregnated by a genetically altered spider. The spider, still burning from being poked and prodded in space, is determined to bring everyone down. The MIB's quickly show up, send Rocky to the infirmary, and torch the shuttle. On the operating table, a spider the size of a toaster crawls out of the dead astronaut's mouth, kills the grave-shift surgeons, and rampages about the understaffed facility. After running from the spider(s) and the MIB's, the young adults slow down only to have the Computer Genius die soon after connecting the dots between spiders, the space shuttle, and his own virginity. The spider(s) continue to grow at an alarming rate and are soon the size of dishwashing machines and just as strong. Eventually, a disillusioned MIB and the reporter hoof it back to the Daily News only to be met by the grizzled MIB who is determined to ruin their pity party. During their open and honest discussion, the grizzled MIB painfully rips out of the last suit he'll ever wear and transforms into a 5'10", slightly balding, enjoys romantic dinners, man-spider. Within moments, he is 20 refrigerators high and carelessly destroying the university campus and handicapped parking. The giant spider goes straight for the local skyscraper and enjoys some "me" time while taking in the million-dollar view. Although informed "There's nothing to see here…", the lusty reporter shows off her RPG skills and blasts the misunderstood man-spider while hanging from a helicopter. This is a poor-man's Alien, with some nice arachnid fight scenes, including claws through chest, and lots of obligatory web. The young reporter also has a nice scene in which she is flailing in knee deep water wearing a wife beater, modestly rewarding those that are nimble with the pause button.
Children of the Living Dead
Review by Ahchie
After an onslaught of zombie movies that were all fairly similar, the BMTG made the determination that zombie movies are only worthy of being feature length films if the movie presents an original idea (such as 28 Days Later). Lacking an original idea, the film should be relegated to a movie “short”. Children of the Living Dead earned BMTG feature length approval with its decision to give the head zombie, Abbott Hayes, characteristics that more resemble the immortal trio of Jason, Michael Myers, and Freddy Krueger than his slow-moving zombie brethren. While all the other zombies in the movie follow the standard formula where people turn zombie by a bite from a zombie and the only way to stop them is a bullet to the head, Hayes could not be killed by any means. Abbott Hayes also had hands that resembled those of Ukrainian giant Leonid Stadnyk – previously absent in other zombie movies.
If you can stomach the occasional zombie outbreak and stay off of Abbott’s property, this town could be an ideal place to live, for while the children grow up, the adults don’t seem to age with the passing of time. With the action spanning a period of 15 years, the only change noted was the style of Deputy Randolph’s sunglasses.
Despite his disappointment in his favorite character’s early demise, Brother Nature was pleased and excited to find that fellow longhair Tom Savini played the role of Deputy Hughs. Among Savini’s film credits is his work doing special makeup effects for 1991’s “Bloodsucking Pharaohs in Pittsburgh”. Hughs was one of several characters in the film that talked to themselves when alone or when fighting zombies. This is not just the occasional looking in the mirror “Hey brother, how’s your ass?” Omega man moment, this is endless banter on how you are going to accomplish every task you face – like describing to yourself step by step what you are doing while you get out of your car and walk across a parking lot.
Because the zombies trudged along at the standard slow pace and there was no shortage of weapons for the citizenry to fight them with, the filmmakers struggled to find various ways to give the zombies a chance. Stay a good distance from the slow of foot zombies and shoot them in the head? Sometimes, but Deputy Hughs would repeatedly run out of bullets, wrestle a few zombies, mysteriously find more bullets, kill a few more zombies, then waste the rest of his ammo in preparation for the next wave. A fully loaded pickup truck of about 20 construction workers, each with ample firepower, decided to go the route of hand to hand combat with the zombies, only using the lethal bullet to the head as a last resort. There was even a worker who decided to light sticks of dynamite in his car and throw them out the window, until eventually he somehow managed to throw a stick over and across the top of his car and back into the passenger side window, thus blowing himself up. In the end, the people think they’ve won, while we all know that Abbott Hayes will continue to stand by the shuttered windows of his barn loft watching and waiting for nothing in particular, but always ready to start another zombie uprising if anyone dare stand on his mama’s grave.
Phillip Bower gives a notable performance as the deep voiced car dealership owner.
Questions:
1. Will Barry Bonds break the MLB career home run record? If yes, when will he break it? Either way, what number will he end at?
| Diesel | Yes, will break it in 2007. Will end with 823. |
| Brother Nature | Yes, will break it on August 14, 2006. Will end with 782. |
| Throcksmorton | Yes, will break it on July 3, 2006. Will end with 810. |
| Ahchie | Yes, will break it on May 13, 2006. Will end with 761. |
2. Do you agree with the NFL policy that a player must be out of high school for 3 years before being eligible for the draft?
| Diesel | Yes, should extend it to basketball. Need more mature players. Should be 3 years college or 30 years old. |
| Brother Nature | Yes, no reason rules should be different between all college sports. |
| Throcksmorton | Yes, to protect the young men and not dilute the talent. |
| Ahchie | Yes, absolutely. |
3. If there was an NFL style draft today between Ben Franklin and John Adams, who would you take and why? No further explanation is offered for this question. Answers were all given in written form without hearing anyone else's answers first.
| Diesel | I choose B. Franklin, as he kicks shoeless and is loved by the ladies. |
| Brother Nature | John Adams, for his speed and agility. Much quicker than Ben Franklin. |
| Throcksmorton | I say Ben Franklin because he did something with electricity and could play for the San Diego Chargers - but only the baby blue uniforms. |
| Ahchie | I would take Ben Franklin for the following reasons:
John Adams, on the other hand, is not a team player and has a questionable character and views. |
| Albuquerque Tom | I would pick Adams in an NFL style draft because of purely physical reasons. Franklin suffered from gout and would sit the bench more often, while Adams would be ready to play 14 hours a day. Adams also had better hair (even if it was a wig), no need for glasses, and was quite stout, ready to destroy all in his path. Franklin was shaped more like a pear with knobby legs, had a long, frightening face, poor vision and his hair was kind of 1970s Black Sabbath. Actually, that's a plus, but Adams still gets my vote. |
Preferences:
This are the initial responses to a new BMTG feature showing
the preferences of the BMTG corporate leadership.
| Star Trek | Throcksmorton, Diesel |
| Star Wars | Brother Nature, Ahchie |
| Larry David | |
| Jerry Seinfeld | Throcksmorton, Diesel, Brother Nature, Ahchie |
| Bugs | Ahchie |
| Daffy | Throcksmorton, Diesel, Brother Nature |
| Mary Ann | Diesel - "She's got the sweet spot", Brother Nature, Ahchie |
| Ginger | Throcksmorton - "She's a dirty little whore" |
| Gun | Throcksmorton, Diesel, Ahchie |
| Sword | Brother Nature |
| Electric Chair | Diesel - "I like to be sitting down", Brother Nature |
| Hanging | Throcksmorton, Ahchie |
| Partridge Family | Throcksmorton |
| Brady Bunch | Diesel, Brother Nature, Ahchie |
| Wilma | |
| Betty | Throcksmorton, Diesel, Brother Nature, Ahchie |
| Football | Throcksmorton, Diesel, Brother Nature, Ahchie |
| Basketball | |
| Chocolate | Throcksmorton, Diesel, Ahchie |
| Vanilla | Brother Nature |
| Strip Club | |
| Massage Parlor | Throcksmorton, Diesel, Brother Nature, Ahchie |
| Pizza | Rainma, Ahchie, Brother Nature |
| Donuts | Diesel |
| "Suspicion" | |
| "Notorious" | Throcksmorton, Diesel, Brother Nature, Ahchie |
| "The Great Escape" | Ahchie, Diesel, Brother Nature |
| "The Getaway" | Throcksmorton |
Name Change:
Rainman shall now be known as Throcksmorton.