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January 12, 2005: An Open Letter to the Delta Blood Bank

Delta Blood Bank
P.O. Box 800
Stockton, CA 95201

Dr. Spindler,

Thank you for your letter of December 28, 2004 informing The Diesel that the stolen laptop containing confidential information had been recovered with the data unviewed. With that unfortunate incident resolved, it is time to address a more serious concern of The Diesel.

On December 2, 2000, The BMTG Big Four attended the Golden State Warriors versus Dallas Mavericks basketball game at the Oakland Alameda Coliseum Arena. Early in the game, it was announced that the Delta Blood Bank was taking donations in the concourse in exchange for 2 tickets to a future Warriors game that season. The Diesel agreed to the terms and spent the better part of the 3rd quarter laid out on a gurney donating his blood. The tickets were to be mailed to The Diesel within a few weeks. After several weeks had passed without any information regarding the tickets, The Diesel contacted the Delta Blood Bank but his call was never returned. Before the 2000/2001-basketball season ended, The Diesel received his donor card; however, the tickets were not included. Over the next three years, The Diesel contacted the Delta Blood Bank in writing and by phone three times without any resolution.

Due to the failures of the Delta Blood Bank, BMTG members were informed that while donating blood was their personal choice, choosing to donate, until this issue is resolved to the satisfaction of The Diesel and the BMTG, would be frowned upon. No BMTG member has donated blood since the announcement and the incident is informally referred to as the Blood for Hoops Scam. This letter serves as another good faith effort by The BMTG to have this issue resolved as originally agreed. Until this matter is resolved, the BMTG has decided to take the following additional measures, effective immediately, in response to the ongoing Blood for Hoops Scam:

• BMTG members will be awarded red merit badges for every six consecutive months in which they don't donate blood. Members not donating for 24 consecutive months will receive a supersized “No blood for sale here, pal. 96.5% of us can't be wrong” patch along with a gift certificate to Hickory Farms.
• Employees of Delta Blood Bank are banned from participating in any BMTG sanctioned events. Naturally this includes regularly scheduled festivals, Tuesday Night Wiffle (season #4 begins in March), and potlucks related to protesting the donation of BMTG blood.
• BMTG members will be encouraged to get tattoos, travel out of the country, enjoy unprotected intercourse, and take their daily dose of Soriatane.

Naturally, you may file an appeal at a cost of $3.00 if you disagree with these measures. See the BMTG’s website at usesoap.com for instructions on how to file and how long until your appeal is denied. The BMTG will assume that the statistic “2-5% of the population donates blood,” as referenced in your letter, is actually 3.5%. Your inability to commit to an exact percentage is unnecessary and forces us to further question your motives. The BMTG believes that 3.5% is right on the donut.

Remember that the BMTG are the people you depend on. We cook your meals, we haul your trash, we connect your calls, we drive your ambulances, we guard you while you sleep, and we dance if we want to.

Sincerely,

(SIGNED BY THE BMTG BIG FOUR)

CC
Golden State Warriors
Dallas Mavericks
Sacramento Mayor Joe Serna

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