October 5, 2004: An Open Letter to Conan O'Brien
October 5, 2004
Late Night with Conan O’Brien
30 Rockefeller Plaza
New York, NY 10112
Mr. O’Brien,
The BMTG extends to you well-deserved congratulations on your future assignment as the host of The Tonight Show. Your comedic efforts for more than a decade as host of Late Night have made you the brightest star of the late night scene. You took over for David Letterman at a time when he was the man, and you have usurped his place as the king of late night television.
As you begin your five-year transition into the coveted Tonight Show spot, the BMTG strongly urges you to not bow to inevitable pressures to change your style, format, and/or content. The current unique segments that are peppered throughout your show should only cease if they have run their natural course. Segments such as Triumph, the Insult Comic Dog, In the Year 2000, Conan Hates My Homeland, and the Walker, Texas Ranger lever should continue as long as they are fresh, creative, and funny. None should end just because someone decides that the Tonight Show audience is different than the Late Night audience. Obviously some of these bits will have run their course by the time you take over the Tonight Show, and you will no doubt have new features to take their place.
In recognition of your late night efforts, the BMTG extends to you the rare honor of participating in the increasingly popular BMTG Tuesday Night Wiffle, which is played every week at Mather Field from 5:30 to 8:30 PM. Complete rules and codes of conduct are available on the BMTG usesoap.com website. Due to the fact that the wiffle season is winding down, the 50% participation requirement will be waived through the end of this season. If, however, you elect to join us next season, you must guarantee that you will be present to at least 50% of the games in order to play. Either way, you will need to bring six brand new wiffle balls to your first appearance. It is also highly recommended that you bring your own game time beverage and $1.39 for your post-game 64-ounce fountain drink. If you are unable to participate in the games, you are welcome to keep score while providing your own unique running commentary. Should you attend on the same day as George Michael of the Sports Machine, you will form a dynamic one-two punch with Mr. Michael providing the play by play and you as the color man.
Again, the BMTG offers congratulations on your promotion. The BMTG fully expects you to continue to offer the same level of performance in your new assignment. A determination by the BMTG Big Four that you are “selling-out” in order to conform to requirements of your earlier time slot, however, will result in your ban from all future BMTG sanctioned events, as well as a boycott by the BMTG membership of your new show. Remember that the BMTG are the people you depend on. We cook your meals, we haul your trash, we connect your calls, we drive your ambulances, we guard you while you sleep, and we dance if we want to.
Sincerely,
(SIGNED BY THE BMTG BIG FOUR)
CC
NBC