July 13, 2004: An Open Letter to George Michael
July 13, 2004
George
Michael
c/o Eyemark Entertainment
10877 Wilshire Blvd., 9th Floor
Los Angeles, CA 90024
Mr. Michael,
Members of the BMTG extend to you the rare honor of guest privileges at an upcoming BMTG sanctioned event in recognition of your late night efforts on the Sports Machine. You are welcome to join an upcoming festival where you will be expected to introduce the movies, clips, Q & A session, and other events in your standard fashion, complete with clipboard and simulated pressing of a large button to start the video. You will need to provide your own main course and you are expected to bring a dessert for everyone.
Alternatively, if attending a festival does not fit into your schedule, you can keep score at wiffle ball while providing a running commentary of the evening’s highlights. Wiffle is played every Tuesday, at Mather Field, from 5:30- 8:30pm, and again, you will be required to use the clipboard and simulate the pressing of the big button. In order to participate in the wiffle games you must guarantee that you will be present to at least 50% of the games through October 2004 and must bring six brand new wiffle balls to your first appearance. It is highly recommended that you bring your own game time beverage and $1.39 for your post-game 64-ounce fountain drink.
Additionally, it is expected that you will facilitate a substantive discussion on one or more of the following subjects:
The BMTG respectfully requests that you do not bring your Sports Machine co-host as seating is limited and, as he did with Festival #42 guest Ken Griffey Jr., BMTG member, Throcksmorton*, will often pose with guests while shirtless and without benefit of his Manzier (also known as a “Bro”). Your co-host is only allowed if she is there to provide either cleaning or catering services. Depending on how well your guest appearance goes, you may be invited to the BMTG Road Trip to the Demolition Derby at the Yolo County Fair on Saturday, August 21, 2004, so keep your calendar open.
Failure to attend any of these events, or meet the requirements as outlined
above, within the next 63 days will result in your permanent ban from participation
in any BMTG sanctioned events. Naturally, if you disagree with this decision,
you may file an appeal at the low cost of only $3.00. Your appeal will be
denied within 30 days, which allows you to submit a second appeal after a
12 month cooling off period. Please refer to the BMTG website for specific
festival dates and detailed instructions on how to file an appeal.
Sincerely,
(SIGNED BY THE BMTG BIG FOUR)