| Frequently Asked Questions |
In a constant quest to make things right in the world, the BMTG offers the following answers to some age old questions...
Question:
How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie-Pop?
BMTG Says:
Your inquiry is one of those questions that many have spent a lifetime trying
to figure out, only to end up with a few broken teeth and a boat load of cavities.
The BMTG understands that some cannot sleep at night knowing that there is
this great unknown out there as studies that have been conducted have been
far ranging in their conclusions.
Purdue University used a licking machine modeled after a human tongue to come
to an average of 364 licks. The same test on human volunteers had an average
of 252 licks.
The University of Michigan had a chemical engineering doctorate student use
a licking machine to come to an average of 411 licks.
Junior high students at Swathmore School came up with an average of 144 using
human subjects.
Since 1970, Tootsie Roll Industries has received more than 20,000 letters
from children everywhere with claims to have answered the question. Their
numbers start at a low of 100 licks to a high of 5,800. The average ranges
from 600 to 800.
The BMTG has determined that Tootsie Roll Industries is encouraging the wide
disparity of numbers in an effort to cloud the issue and never come to a definite
conclusion, thus increasing the mystery and, most importantly to them, the
bottom line - Tootsie-Pop sales.
The BMTG does not endorse, encourage, or discourage the consumption of Tootsie-Pops
and stands by the owl's claim that the answer to your question is three.
Question:
Zombie movies?
BMTG Recommends:
If it is an original idea, then it is o.k. to do a feature length film. If
it is run of the mill, then it should be a movie short.
Question:
What made the 70's so special?
BMTG Says:
The 1970s were a wonderful time for America. Not only did we celebrate 200
years of this great nation, but we heard the beautiful genius of disco. We
had Watergate, Empire of the Ants, bell bottoms, Charles Nelson Reilly, Fresca
and Tab. We saw lots and lots of hair. Vinnie Barbarino was the leader of
our youth. Most importantly, though, we were introduced to John Shaft.
Question:
What's the best way to get through heavy traffic in parking lots?
BMTG Recommends:
Do not waste time waiting at the end of the line. The best method, without
fail, is to jet on up as close to the front and join the bottleneck at the
tip of the bottle.
Question:
Should Roger "Pig" Clemens be banned from baseball?
BMTG Recommends:
Clemens should be allowed to continue his career but be forced to play for
the Colorado Rockies. He should also be forced to sport a Pete Rose hairdo.
Question:
Bush or Kerry?
BMTG Recommends:
Bush. Not even close.
Question:
How to help the Lady Hornets basketball team? (at
one time had an impressive streak of 44 consecutive losses)
BMTG Recommends:
Have Brother Nature put on some make-up and play with them. He could go old
skool Street Heat and teach them about Balls Active and the Two-Finger Jam.
Question:
How to handle too much work?
BMTG Recommends:
Follow the example of Lester Burnham. Quit your job, accuse your boss of blowing
you, and puff away on your Mary Jane.
Question:
Can a rhino belly be surgically attached to a bird (flightless birds not included)?
BMTG Says:
If you can do it, then your mission in life is to do it.