fundamental truths
the official bmtg...
supported artists
banned artists/music
general rules
guidelines
festivals
road trips
transportation
credit card usage and other costs
- The Yankees suck.
- Leonard Maltin is considered very gay by the BMTG.
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The
Official BMTG Mascot:
Little Jerry, formerly known as Nomar the Surfing Monkey, formerly known as
Milo
The Official BMTG Cover Band:
The Cardigans (Iron Man, Mr. Crowley, Sabbath Bloody Sabbath)
The Official BMTG Band:
Krokus (Smelly Nelly, Long Stick Goes Boom, Headhunter)
The Official BMTG Hat:
yankeeshater hat
(any style)
The Official BMTG Rum:
Captain Morgan
The Official BMTG Clothier:
Hawaiian
Islands Paradise
The Official BMTG Fighting Style:
Block, Left, Right, Tomahawk
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Dust Brothers
The Pixies
The White Stripes
Isaac Hayes
Frank Sinatra
Krokus
The Cardigans
Jimmy Buffet / Rupert Holmes
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Ruben
Studdard
Michael Jackson
Huey Lewis and the News
"Take Me Out to the Ballgame"
"Abracadabra" by the Steve Miller Band
Gloria Estefan
Celine Dion
Clay Aiken
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- Members cannot ask why a rule is implemented - they simply have to comply.
- Members cannot ask why a rule is implemented - they simply have to comply.
- Vote Republican.
- BMTG members are to follow the Language Guide.
Questions resulting from using phrases and terms in the Language Guide shall
be answered with, "Is this a test?"
- All BMTG members are required to have the Official Hat of the BMTG - the
yankeeshater hat
(any style except Mets).
Heinz
Ketchup is to be avoided whenever possible. Members are to use W
Ketchup instead. Other alternatives are to go without or to use Del
Monte Ketchup (formerly known as Catsup). Other Heinz products are also
to be avoided in favor of alternative products.- In the event of a tie in any BMTG vote, the BMTG Senior Council makes
the final call.
- No BMTG members may engage in homosexual acts. Violation of this rule
results in immediate expulsion. This rule applies to all BMTG member actions
at all times, whether in the presence of other members or not and whether
at a BMTG sanctioned event or not.
- If a BMTG member’s zipper is down, that's his problem - you didn't
see anything.
- No response to an e-mail from BMTG Management or a member of the BMTG
Senior Council means that you are agreeable to whatever the BMTG Senior
Council decides regarding details contained within said e-mail.
- When responding to BMTG e-mails, the sender needs to "Reply to All."
unless the response is clearly intended for that individual.
- No Diet Drinks allowed during official BMTG sanctioned events.
- No mention is to be made of Jerry Davis or Ron Worley, their initials,
or any remote reference, except in a derogatory way. Violation of this rule
will result in immediate expulsion from the group. Additionally, the phrase
"Hey pal" is forbidden.
No
monkeys, except for the Official Mascot of the BMTG, Little Jerry.- It is permissible to quaff a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning
on a tropical beach...or you have compelling reasons that the other BMTG
members would agree to. Failure to have a reason that is acceptable will
result in a spin on the sanction wheel.
- Never talk to a BMTG member in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing:
both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an
almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need. Even when on
equal footing, conversation is frowned upon. See article on bathroom etiquette for more.
- The only valid excuse is "I had to pick up ______________ at the
airport."
- Non attendance to a BMTG sanctioned event does not excuse the member of
his food assignment, which is still expected to be provided.
- The first one to die from Ding Dong or Twix poisoning will be declared
the winner.
- Any disagreement with a decision by the group is handled by the appeals
process. As with appeals to sanctions, the 1st Level Appeal is available,
as long as the $3 filing fee is included and the appeal is submitted in
the proper format within 30 days of the decision in question. All 1st Level
Appeals will be denied within 30 days. 2nd Level Appeals (final level) can
be filed for an additional $3 after a 12 month cooling off period. All filing
fees are non-refundable.
- No females allowed to any BMTG sanctioned events, unless they have come
in to provide catering or cleaning services.
- If someone in the group has just visited a country from your ancestry,
you must speak to that individual with the accent from that country.
- Anyone attending a BMTG function for the first time (this includes members
and non-members) must stand and sing a television show theme song (i.e Green
Acres, Gilligan's Island, The Brady Bunch, etc.). The song selected is subject
to approval by the members in attendance. If the song is not perfomed adequately,
the members in attendance must choose another song to be performed. This
will continue until a song is performed to ALL members' satisfaction. Every
member must be satisfied by the performance - a simple majority is not sufficient.
Non-members have no say in any of the approvals.
- No BMTG member shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another
member. In fact, even remembering your fellow BMTG members’ birthdays
is strictly optional.
- BMTG members don't let BMTG members wear Speedos. Ever.
- Avoid Ron Taylor Tours Luxury Charter Service.
- Avoid Home Depot. Use Lowes instead.
- Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
- Rosie O'Donnell, mouth perpetually agape, is not to be listened to.
- Women who claim to "love to watch sports" must be treated as
spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game.
- Women who claim to "love to watch b-movies" must be treated
as spies until they they demonstrate knowledge of the b-movie genre. Even
then, they will not be allowed entrance to BMTG sanctioned events.
- When stumbling upon other BMTG members watching a sporting event, you
may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask
who's playing.
- The following shall be classified as Inactive/Suspended BMTG associates
(non-members) - B.J. (If you know what I mean) (formerly known as Mr. C.),
Woody, Dessert Boy, Pumpkin Man, Larry, Cookie Ollinger, Tiny Johnson, DQ,
Lee Harvey Reptilicus (missing)
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When
wearing clothing from a specific store it is poor form to shop in that store
if you are wearing too much clothing from that store. Anybody scoring at
least 73 Clothing Points (CP) or wearing three or more pieces (regardless
of total CP) from that store should shop elsewhere. CPs are assigned as
per the table below.
Point values should be adjusted based on region as appropriate. For example,
in Winnemucca the point values would need to be adjusted to reflect the
lack of choices. In some less populated "the hills have eyes"
locales it may actually be necessary to exceed the 73 point threshhold in
order to shop at a particular store, but these experiences are best left
unspoken about.
| Article |
Points |
| Shirt / Top without store name or logo |
45 |
| Shirt / Top with store name or logo |
69 |
| Jacket / Sweatshirt without name or logo |
52 |
| Jacket / Sweatshirt with name or logo |
71 |
| Pants |
39 |
| Underwear |
4 |
| Hat without name or logo |
15 |
| Hat with name or logo |
33 |
| Socks without name or logo |
4 |
| Socks with name or logo |
14 |
| Shoes |
11 |
| Jewelry / watch / purse / wallet |
4 |
| Headband with name or logo |
63 |
- When out of town, avoid ordering water. Go with soda or Captain Morgan.
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- Any venue hosted by a BMTG member is known as a "House of Pain."
Any venue hosted by BMTG Members' parents is to be known as a "Party
House."
- The Boomerang Channel should be tuned in during preliminaries and other
lulls during the evening, unless there is a more compelling sporting event
available.
- Attendees who are seeking inclusion into the group should bring their
own plates.
- Whoever is hosting the festival assumes the position of Theatre Coordinator.
- Grocery store prepared meals are not acceptable festival fare. (Example:
chicked, chinese food)
- The Thursday before a SuperFest is a BMTG holiday. This day will be known
as Festivus.
- If you are unable to scan to everyone’s satisfaction, your VCR remote
privileges will be taken away.
- Festival hosts must provide a functioning VCR and DVD player, and the
television must be free from urine stains. If the festival is ever held
again at Larry’s House of Pain, there must be a second VCR available.
This rule due to technical difficulties experienced at 2 consecutive festivals
(Blue Monkey, Festival 3 and Planet of the Apes/Billy Jack, Festival 4).
- No taking left-overs unless the host has agreed.
- There shall be no looking at your opponents screen during play of Halo
and other games that would give an unfair advantage to the perpetrator.
Teammates will be on the same side of the screen. If needed, some type of
divider will be fashioned.
- In darts, any punk-ass chair shot is a re-do in any round.
- Admission fee to the festival is determined by your final standing in
the most recent fantasy league tournament. Example: Fourth place pays $4,
First place pays $1. Admission fees are waived for first-timers seeking
inclusion into the group. The host of the festival gets a $1 discount.
- The admission fee must be paid upon arrival at the festival. If you do
not have the money and can not borrow from another member, you will be expected
to go get the money from the ATM or some other source. If you insist on
attending the festival without paying the admission fee, you will be forced
to stand the entire time, and the only time you will be permitted to eat
or drink is when another member is completely finished eating and drinking
for the evening. At that point you may eat whatever leftovers that member
has left.
- The last person to arrive must drink root beer out of a dirty glass as
their beverage of the evening. If that person is a BMTG member in good standing,
that member will have the choice of paying a second admission fee of $3.00
in lieu of drinking root beer out of a dirty glass. Guests attending on
a one-time pass will not be given this option.
- No smoking inside the theatre.
- No parking inside the theatre.
- Festival flyers must include the following:
BMTG logo, Main Feature, Main Course, Date, Time (Pacific and Eastern),
Place, Attendance By Invitation Only, Theme, Prop 187 Advisory (Optional)
- Leave the bathroom in the condition it was in when you arrived unless
you can meet the following criteria:
Attended 15 consecutive festivals with the streak currently active: You
may urinate anywhere you like, except on the host.
Attended 12 consecutive festivals with the streak currently active: You
may shave your pubic hair and leave them on the floor.
(You must submit proof that you have attended the requisite number of festivals
and that your streak is still active)
- Godzilla movies shall be limited to a maximum of 8 minutes per viewing.
This is known as the 8 Minute Rule.
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- There shall be a 3.5% duty on all BMTG road trips that extend beyond 45
miles from downtown Sacramento (one way). The duty, which goes to the BMTG
treasury, shall be 3.5% of the total cost of the trip, excluding meals and
individual purchases.
- Road Trip Absence Rule - If you are unable to attend a road trip, your
ticket(s) may be sold to help defray the costs of the trip (parking, tolls,
gas). Monies in excess of expenses will go to the absentee member. Some
effort must be made to sell the ticket(s). If a reasonable offer is refused,
serious consideration shall be given to just giving the ticket away to someone
else, preferably in the presence of the person who refused the reasonable
offer. In no way can a ticket be given away to someone who has refused a
reasonable offer.
- The BMTG does not endorse the performance of "Take Me Out to the
Ballgame" at any major, minor, or alternative league baseball game
during the seventh inning stretch. BMTG members are restricted from standing
during the singing of said song. BMTG members are restricted from singing
said song. BMTG members may stand during the seventh inning stretch only
after said song has been completed.
- The BMTG does expect that members will sing "Thank God I'm a Country
Boy" whenever it is played, regardless of situation. This will most
likely occur at Oakland Athletics games.
- The minimum amount of time you have to wait for a BMTG member who's running
late is 5 minutes. Waiting beyond 5 minutes is strictly optional.
- All officially sanctioned BMTG Road Trip CDs have the option of ending
with a patriotic song honoring the United States of America. The patriotic
ending is no longer a requirement.
- Ice Chest Ettiquette - The person with the ice chest has the responsibility
of making sure there is enough ice. Said person can ask someone else to
bring ice. Other people's drinks/food can not be taken without first asking
permission.
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- If a BMTG member uses his personal vehicle to drive other BMTG members
to an event, he shall receive the following discounts (destination must
be at least 45 miles, one way, from downtown Sacramento):
30% off gas expenses.
50% off parking expenses at each venue.
When dividing costs creates uneven numbers, the person receiving the discount
pay the remaining pennies to make it even.
- Any costs associated with the car (replacing flat tire, engine problems,
etc.) shall be the responsibility of the owner.
- Fines for non-moving traffic violations will be split among participants
(at least among those who agreed with the parking spot or cause of violation).
To be exempt from sharing the cost, the objection must be vocalized before
receipt of violation. Silence indicates acceptance.
- Fines for moving traffic violations shall be the responsibility of the
driver. If the violation is for speeding, each participant shall contribute
5% of the fine, as the speeding was for everyone's benefit.
- The driver, regardless of the vehicle owner, has control of the radio.
This control is expected to be delegated to the front passenger, but is
not required. Requests are encouraged and must be given appropriate consideration.
- The longer the trip, the greater the consideration to be given to renting
a car with good gas mileage along with a comfortable ride. Wear and tear
on personal vehicles should be given appropriate consideration.
- "Back-seaters" are not allowed to give directions unless requested
by the driver or navigator (front passenger).
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| Credit
Card Usage and Other Costs |
- Any BMTG member using his personal credit card to buy any event tickets
for the BMTG shall be exempt from having to pay service charges associated
with that ticket. Said charges shall be divided among the other members
that are participating. When dividing costs creates uneven numbers, the
person receiving the discount pay the remaining pennies to make it even.
- If a situation, such as San Diego 2004, arises in that extra hotel rooms
are available, the BMTG member using his credit card for the rooms gets
the extra room, with the other rooms being up for grabs as usual. The member
using his card gets first choice of room, bed, etc. as applicable.
- Using a personal credit card to pay for meals shall exempt the member
from paying for their own non-alcoholic beverages and tips, unless the member
is using the card for his own meal only.
- Using a personal credit card for the hotel expenses shall exempt the member
from paying the room tax.
- Any BMTG member paying for an item that all members can use (excluding
food and xbox games & equipment), such as movies, wiffle equipment,
etc. shall receive a 10% discount from his portion of the cost. It is expected
that, when possible, other members will be made aware of the purchase before
a transaction takes place so as to provide an opportunity to cancel the
purchase as well as give opportunity for other members to make the purchase.
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