May 27, 2004: Angry Woman Gets Dieseled
Sacramento, CA -- The following is an account of an attempt by The Diesel to lend a helping hand, as told by The Diesel:
Recently, I had purchased some freshly fried donuts. As I was hopping back into my car I decided to go back in and get a 5-gallon bucket for wiffle ball (selected the Fudge Creme container). Inside, there was a burly, mannish looking, woman trying to pull the buckets apart. I went over and was waiting when she looked at me in a grouchy way. I said, "Oh, I'm getting one too."
Without acknowledging me, she yelled angrily at the little donut lady on the other side of the store, "These all have handles, don't you have any without handles?"
I waited a little longer, and then I just grabbed one of the buckets that had handles that she had set aside. I paid my $1.50 and as I'm walking past her to leave, I stop. She had now decided to get the handled buckets and was again struggling with their separation.
"Do you need some help with those?" I asked, genuinely ready to help.
She snapped back and said, "Yes, I do" as though she was doing my job.
I got a little miffed and so I decided to give her the Diesel treatment.
She raised some buckets in front of me that were fused together. I took hold.
"Hold on," I said in a friendly voice.
"Okay."
I gave it a nice tug and her body jerked forward with about the same force of her being involved in a minor car accident without a seatbelt. The buckets remained stuck as she had let go. For a moment, she was in shock but then her mannerisms became even more impatient and I could tell she was blaming me again. I offered to give it another try.
"Ready?"
"Yes."
I gripped the bucket tight and pulled with enough force to tear a single bucket in half. Her body jumped forward like Vlade taking a flop. In slow motion, I saw one of the handles catch her finger. A micro second later the buckets came loose, increasing the velocity of the rip and pulling her tender digit further until finally releasing it. She yelped nicely when her finger was extended.
I politely asked her if she needed any more help with the other buckets and she painfully said, "No".
I don't think she learned a lesson nor was I teaching any. At that moment she had been officially, Dieseled.