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November 21, 2006: NFL Commentary, Week 11
By White Russian

Perfection
NFL undefeateds: none

College undefeateds: Ohio State and Boise State.

College Football

Majors
This week's sampling of majors that are being pursued by current college football players:

Communication and Rhetoric
Marketing
Sociology
Apparel, Housing & Resource Management
Theatre

Thursday Night Football
1. Who's your Heisman?

Diesel Colt Brennan (QB, Hawaii)
Brother Nature Mike Hart (RB, Michigan)
Sandman Darren McFadden (RB, Arkansas)*
White Russian Marshawn Lynch (RB, California)
* Chosen in his absence

2. Who makes more in a day - the guy who dances around on the corner with a giant Homes 4 Sale arrow sign, or the beggar who stakes out a corner? (The beggar is understood to be someone who knows what he is doing and does his thing with a little pizzazz)

Diesel beggar
Brother Nature hired guy with the sign
White Russian beggar

California at USC
Two weeks ago, Bob Griese made frequent references to the brats and chili Paul Maguire was eating prior to the Penn State – Wisconsin game. Now it appears that Maguire has been banished to the sidelines, much like Tony Siragusa. Like Siragusa, Maguire continues to chime in as if he were in the booth. To dress things up and soften the blow to Maguire, they stationed him on the roving sideline cart cam for the entire game. The bottom line is that, like Siragusa, Maguire must not be pleasant to sit next to. Either that or Bob Griese is way too sensitive.

The score at the end of the first quarter was a baseball-esque 3 to 2.

At halftime, Craig James was asked by his partner in the studio who had the best shot at being in the championship game if it is not a rematch between Ohio State and Michigan.

His answer:
"Maybe it's Notre Dame – the Irish – because USC is not that good a team. They may get beat by Cal tonight!"

James continued with:
"What happens if there is a rematch and you got Michigan that goes in and beats Ohio State. Okay, how fair is that to Ohio State? Now what are we going to do if Michigan beats Ohio State in a rematch? Are we gonna have a split national champion? Is it fair to Ohio State? They beat 'em one time."

If there is a rematch, a split champion would be just plain silly. Whoever wins the championship game is the champion, no matter what happened earlier in the season. If it is determined that Ohio State and Michigan get a rematch then so be it. The fact remains that the only team to beat Michigan is Ohio State. Those other one-loss teams were all beaten by lesser teams. Even Rocky and Apollo Creed did not want a rematch after their first fight.

Mike Shanahan and His Injury Report Manipulation of the Week
Tatum Bell practiced during the week. He was listed as probable on the injury report. He was inactive Sunday night.

False Start
Can someone explain the false start penalty to the common man? With all the false start penalties being called throughout the league, why are the Indianapolis Colts not called for a false start almost every time they line up? Manning moves up and down the line, pointing this way and that, while the offensive linemen are constantly moving their heads looking around. Sometimes you even see the center point with one hand while he bobs up and down. And they do this right up to the moment the ball is snapped. Meanwhile, other teams are called just for the slightest movement. In week 11, the Colts were one of 11 teams that were penalized only once for a false start.

In looking at the overall numbers for week 11, there were 42 false start penalties called, which are broken down here between visiting and home teams:

 
# of False Starts
Visitors
23 (54.8%)
Home
19 (45.2%)
TOTAL
42

# of False Starts
# of Visiting Teams
# of Home Teams
0
2
7
1
8
3
2
4
4
3
1
0
4
1
2

When looking at the number of teams that committed either 0 or 1 false start, the numbers are even at 10 visiting teams and 10 home teams, with the main difference being that 7 of the 10 home teams committed no false starts, while only 2 of the 10 visiting teams had none.

Define Irony
Aaron Rodgers finally gets a chance to play when Brett Favre (pronounced "fawv-ruh") went down late in the first half. Rodgers proceeds to break his foot and his season is over.

Casey at the Bat
The Mighty Casey of the famous Mudville Nine never should have struck out in that game as described by Ernest L. Thayer. The situation when Casey came up? Mudville was down 4 to 2 in the ninth inning. There was 2 outs and the runners were on 2nd and 3rd. Casey was by far their best hitter. His legend eclipsed that of Bonds at the height of his steroid use. First base was open. You replay that game today and 100% of the time Casey will be intentionally walked.

Seattle at San Francisco
"Antonio Bryant did everything short of shooting off a flare there to try to get the football."
     Matt Vasgersian, after Bryant caught a difficult pass that came back due to penalty

What does that even mean?

"After reviewing the play, the runner was down just barely short of the goal line by about 2 inches. We’re going to put the ball in play just short of the goal line on this hash mark and wind the clock."
     Larry Nemmers, after reviewing a play at the end of the first half where Arnaz Battle had appeared to score

It is hard to see how Nemmers found indisputable evidence that the ball did not break the plane. Whether the call on the field was a touchdown or not, this is one of those cases where that call should stand because the video evidence is not clear enough to change it. The 49ers then kicked a field goal on 4th down at the two-inch line. This is after rushing for 163 yards in the half. This is after gaining 256 total yards in the half. Frank Gore had 130 yards in the half. And they kick a field goal from the two-inch line?

The four point difference in deciding to take the field goal instead of going for the touchdown could have been a factor if Seattle actually tried to win the game. Seattle’s poor time management and lack of urgency late in the fourth quarter proved that their motivation level is just slightly higher than that of Randy Moss. The final minutes of the game went something like this:

Seattle runs two yards for a first down on their own 28-yard line with 3:38 to play, down by six points. There was absolutely no sense of urgency as they let the clock wind down to 3:00 remaining before snapping ball. Five seconds later Wallace was sacked. Now it is 2nd and 20 at their own 18. Again the clock runs and the next snap comes with 2:26 to play. Incomplete pass stops the clock at 2:20 and it is now 3rd and 20. Next play, Seattle completes an 18-yard pass at 2:14 remaining to bring up 4th and 2. Clock runs to the two minute warning. Next play, a poorly conceived run play comes up short. Ball goes to San Francisco with 1:53 to play. On the first 49er play, Gore fumbles, giving Seattle new life with 1:47 left.

The Gore fumble leads to this call by Vasgersian, "Did Gore fumble the football? No! Oh, what the Wendell Tyler just happened?"

Now Seattle has 1st and 10 at their own 35 with 1:47 to go. Any sense of urgency now? Wallace is sacked at the 1:43 mark. 2nd and 19, clock running, ball is snapped at 1:27. San Francisco intercepts the pass at 1:17. San Francisco runs clock down to 38 seconds as Seattle uses all three of their time outs. San Francisco’s Joe Nedney then misses his second chip shot field goal of the day and the ball goes to Seattle for yet another opportunity.

Now it is 1st and 10 at their own 20 with 38 seconds left. Two incomplete passes set up 3rd and 10 with 23 seconds remaining. Complete pass for three yards, runner is tackled in bounds with 17 seconds left. 4th and 7, ball snapped with only 5 seconds to go and Seattle completes another short pass and the game ends.

Seattle had three possessions in the final four minutes and showed no desire to neither move the ball nor save the clock. With 80 yards to go and only 23 seconds to work with, they complete a three-yard pass.

Randy Moss
After watching Randy Moss lollygag on the field all game for yet another week, I would not throw to him at all if I were the quarterback. If I were the coach, I would sit him on the bench. This supposed captain is a cancer, as evidenced by his lack of effort on the field and his complaining off of it. He blames his drops on a lack of focus because he is so unhappy. This is not a surprise, as his act is even more tired than that of Terrell Owens, who still has a decent game once in a while. Why is Moss even in the league anymore?

Both Owens and Moss are overly dramatic. They are crybabies. They are the spoiled children who want everyone to look at them and tell them how wonderful they are and how important they are to the team and how they could not win without them.

Why do you think Al Michaels and John Madden were gushing over how LaDainian Tomlinson Sunday night? They kept emphasizing how great a person he is and how it is refreshing to see him conduct himself the right way when he scores a touchdown. Madden kept saying how good it is to see an elite player who is also a good person. Like the rest of the football world, they are tired of the Moss and Owens show.

Bill Parcells: Coaching Genius or Poor Form (and I don’t mean his body)?
Regarding the Parcells’ challenge near the end of the Indianapolis at Dallas game. If you are a Dallas fan, you love it. Anyone else, and you might see it as poor form. Parcells waited more than 40 seconds after the long Manning to Harrison completion to throw the challenge flag. Harrison was down around the 15-yard line with 4:42 to go in the game. The Colts players ran down the field, got in formation, and snapped the ball with 3:58 left and no whistle until just after the snap. Indianapolis was in a groove and it looked like the play was going to be a touchdown pass, as the players were still playing as if there were no whistle. The clock even ran down to 3:52 and was never reset. But the play was called dead and the officials reviewed the play.

In looking at the television replay, it was obvious that it was a good catch. The replay was used in this case for the sole purpose of disrupting the Colts’ momentum as the Cowboy defense was on its heels and the Colts were finally in a rhythm. The poor form comes in because Parcells waited 44 seconds to call the challenge. He waited until the very last possible moment. Parcells did not do anything against the rules, it is just that this is not what the instant replay system was intended for. If he felt he needed to regroup and figure out his defense, then he should have just called a timeout. Naturally, the call on the field stood. Play continued, but the drive stalled and Indianapolis failed to convert on fourth down. Dallas ran out the clock and the game was over.

Stuart Scott, Ron Jaworski, and Mike Ditka
While showing highlights of LaDainian Tomlinson:

SCOTT "Next Chargers’ possession. You know what? Stop it. L.T."
DITKA "Oh, yeah."
SCOTT "Seriously..."
DITKA "Yeah, yeah. You gotta tackle."
SCOTT "...Seriously, stop it."
DITKA "You gotta tackle."
JAWORSKI "You're right, Coach."
SCOTT "Yo! I mean it. Stop it. LaDainian Tomlinson…"
DITKA "Why not? Why not?"
SCOTT "…His second straight four touchdown game. That ties an NFL record."

Regarding Larry Johnson:

SCOTT "All right, guys. Larry Johnson. What make him just stoopid good?"
JAWORSKI "Go ahead, Coach!"
DITKA "Balance! Speed! Power! And pretty good blocking once in a while."

This Week’s Edition of Commentators Who Need To Go

Bob Griese, mainly because he used to play for the Miami Dolphins and a little because he verbally stumbles over himself from time to time in the booth while he makes sure you know how much he knows about being a quarterback.

Mark May, because he is a bit of snob and has that certain arrogant “I will always know more about this stuff than you” attitude.

Fantasy Notes

Three weeks in a row, White Russian has missed out on a 600 plus point performing wide receiver. Week 9 it was Javon Walker at 604 smallworld points. Week 10 was Chad Johnson at 662 points. And this week it was Lee Evans at 672 points.

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