September 13, 2006: NFL
Commentary, Week 1
By White Russian
San Diego at Oakland - Arnold
Either Arnold Schwarzenegger was watching an old tape of a Raiders game or
he is just rattling off prepared lines no matter what is happening on the
field. It was early third quarter and Arnold joined the crew in the booth
for a few minutes. Oakland had amassed a grand total of 45 yards of offense
in the entire first half. While Ron Jaworski and Dick Vermeil looked on with
courtesy smiles, the introduction went like this:
Brad
Nessler: “Well, we welcome the Governor of California, Arnold Schwarzenegger,
to the booth. We just saw the Governor grab the football helmet. You were
ready for some football. We’re having some pretty good football out
here tonight.”
Arnold: “Oh, this is unbelievable. I think that, uh, since Art Shell came back and is the coach, uh, I think this is a miracle performance.”
San Diego at Oakland – Randy
It
is the first play of the fourth quarter. Oakland is down 13 to 0 and has been
unable to generate anything on offense all night. It is 3rd and 20 all the
way back around the ten yard line. Aaron Brooks tosses a sideline pass in
the direction of Randy Moss. Moss makes absolutely no effort to catch the
ball. The defender reaching around Moss makes more of an effort to get to
the pass.
Even though Moss probably would have ended up out of bounds if he catches the ball and even though a catch in fair territory would have been well short of a first down, Moss didn’t even raise his arms. He could have made it look like he was trying at least a little bit. Kind of like when someone is in a public restroom and doesn’t even go through the motions of pretending to wash the hands. Instead they just walk out without even a courtesy rinse. That’s what Moss did to Brooks. The camera then showed Brooks looking in the direction of Moss with a look of unbelief on his face. No comment was made by the Monday Night crew, as they were already going into the Shawne Merriman highlight reel, followed by an ESPN Game Break.
That was the last pass attempt of the night for Brooks, as he was replaced on the following possession.
Manning vs. Manning
It
is just good to get this game out of the way. The hype was ridiculous. Under
“overkill” in the dictionary is a picture of Archie, Payton, and
Eli. And why would Ma and Pa Manning not enjoy the game? Every time they were
shown in their luxury box they looked either bored, miserable, or depressed.
Two of your children are the starting quarterbacks for two NFL teams. What
about this is so distressing?
Dramatic, Bloated, and Sluggish
The overdone, theatrical, and overly dramatic openings (Thursday night, Sunday
night, and Monday night) are just too much. What ever happened to good, hard
hitting highlights set to “Hit Me with Your Best Shot” or some
other standard rock tune? Keep it simple. We don’t need all the crazy
graphics with quasi-stars belting out forgettable lyrics. Like him or not,
Howard Cosell knew the correct way to introduce Monday Night Football and
he didn’t need Pink, Hank, or any rowdy friends.
And the endless pregame shows? They are just bloated and sluggish.
This Week’s Edition of Commentators Who Need To Go
Dick Stockton – was probably pretty good long ago, but now you can count on him making at least one stupid or uninformed comment a week
Cris Collinsworth – he’s just annoying
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