September 20, 2006: NFL
Commentary, Week 2
By White Russian
Perfect Sports Day
Sunday
was a perfect day in sports in White Russian’s world. The Buffalo Bills
beat their bitter rival Miami Dolphins in Miami. The 49ers beat their rival,
the Rams, and have actually been an enjoyable team to watch after several
years of unwatchable teams. The Red Sox won both games of their double header
in the Bronx against their hated rivals. The hometown San Diego Super Chargers
pounded on the bogus Music City Miracle Titans. And to top it all off, in
the fantasy watch, both Indianapolis and Cincinnati pounded on their opponents.
Collinsworth Goes for the Record Books
While his on-field performance as a player ultimately fell short, the he-is-everywhere
football commentator Cris Collinsworth may have set the record Sunday night
for most blinks on air. Early in the fourth quarter Al Michaels inexplicably
went to Collinsworth in the studio to ask him about the high cost / low return
Washington coaching. Collinsworth was shown in a split screen alongside the
game for four separate brief segments. In each segment he was seen blinking
at an alarming rate, as follows:
| Segment |
# of Blinks |
Time (seconds) |
1 |
44 |
21 |
2 |
66 |
30 |
3 |
17 |
12 |
4 |
25 |
14 |
TOTAL |
152 |
77 |
The average number of times normal people blink is about 10 times per minute. Based on Collinsworth’s brief appearance, he averages 118.4 blinks per minute.
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Quest for Winless Perfection
This season eleven teams (Miami, Kansas City, Oakland, Cleveland, Houston,
Tennessee, Washington, Detroit, Green Bay, Tampa Bay, and Carolina) have started
out 0 and 2. There were seven teams last season to start out 0 and 2, including
Houston, Oakland, and Green Bay. The experts say game three is a must win
for all 0 and 2 teams if they want to salvage their season. White Russian
say it is only a must win if losing will mathematically eliminate you from
winning the championship.
In week 7 of the 2004 season, the BMTG made a determination that all of the silly pronouncements and numbers about playoff chances based on just a few games ought to be thrown out based on what the Red Sox did to the Yankees in the 2004 American League Championship Series.
Therefore, no team shall be considered out of the playoff race until mathematically eliminated.
College Football
Why the rules change to keep the clock running on change of possession? This
rule makes no sense. Any amount of time they save is more than eaten up by
the incompetent replay officials.
Speaking of incompetent replay officials, the ending of the Oklahoma-Oregon game just might give us a clue as to how Oregon has managed to amass a 24 and 1 record against non-conference opponents at home under head coach Mike Bellotti.
Worst Quarter Ever?
The third quarter between Oakland and Baltimore either featured tremendous
defense, or more likely, horrendous offense. Both teams combined for 59 yards
worth of offense (47 for Oakland, 12 for Baltimore), with the majority of
that offense coming at the end of the quarter. Six and a half minutes into
the half, the only plays on offense for either team that resulted in positive
yardage were two one-yard runs by LaMont Jordan. Oakland did not complete
any passes until the 17-yard completion to Randy Moss with only 3:47 left
in the quarter, and they finished the quarter with only two completions, while
the quarterback was intercepted once, lost a fumble, and was sacked three
times, with one of those sacks resulting in a safety. Baltimore’s 3-yard
pass to Mason, meanwhile, was their only completion in the quarter.
The play by play of the entire quarter speaks for itself:
| BAL | kickoff, 37 yard return | ||
| OAK | 1st and 10 | Sack | loss of 7 |
| OAK | 2nd and 17 | Jordan run | lost of 1 |
| OAK | 3rd and 18 | Sack | loss of 4 |
| OAK | 4th and 22 | Punt, no return | |
| BAL | 1st and 10 | Lewis run | loss of 1 |
| BAL | 2nd and 11 | Incomplete Pass | |
| BAL | 3rd and 11 | Sack | loss of 10 |
| BAL | 4th and 21 | Punt, 2 yard return, holding on OAK | |
| OAK | 1st and 10 | Jordan run | gain of 1 |
| OAK | 2nd and 9 | Interception, 26 yard return | |
| BAL | 1st and 10 | Incomplete Pass | |
| BAL | 2nd and 10 | Smith run | loss of 5 |
| BAL | 3rd and 15 | Incomplete Pass | |
| BAL | 4th and 15 | Punt, no return | |
| OAK | 1st and 10 | Jordan run | gain of 1 |
| OAK | 2nd and 9 | Incomplete Pass | |
| OAK | 3rd and 9 | Sack in end zone | loss of 5, Safety |
| OAK | free kick from 20, 25 yard return plus offsides on OAK | ||
| BAL | 1st and 10 | False Start penalty | |
| BAL | 1st and 15 | Incomplete Pass | |
| BAL | 2nd and 15 | McNair run | gain of 13 |
| BAL | 3rd and 2 | Pass to Mason | gain of 3 |
| BAL | 1st and 10 | Lewis run | gain of 9 |
| BAL | 2nd and 1 | Sack | loss of 7 |
| BAL | 3rd and 8 | Offsides on OAK | |
| BAL | 3rd and 3 | Incomplete Pass | |
| BAL | 4th and 3 | Punt, no return | |
| OAK | 1st and 10 | Jordan run | gain of 15 |
| OAK | 1st and 10 | Jordan run | gain of 3 |
| OAK | 2nd and 7 | Pass to Moss | gain of 17 |
| OAK | 1st and 10 | Jordan run | gain of 5 |
| OAK | 2nd and 5 | Sack (fumbled snap) | loss of 3 |
| OAK | 3rd and 8 | Illegal contact on BAL | |
| OAK | 1st and 10 | Pass to Whitted | gain of 22 |
| OAK | 1st and 10 | Jordan run | gain of 3 |
| OAK | 2nd and 7 | Walter fumble, BAL 60 yard return | |
| BAL | 1st and 10 | Lewis run | gain of 2 |
| BAL | 2nd and 8 | Lewis run | gain of 8 |
| END OF QUARTER | |||
The Goose Revisited
Tony Siragusa, in his third season as the world’s most unusual sideline
reporter, continues to be shunned from the booth. While most sideline reporters
give brief updates about the status of injured players or with snippets of
conversation with coaches, Siragusa chimes in during the game all the time
as if he were the third person in the booth. This just reinforces the BMTG's
conclusion that The Goose must be a disgusting person to be around.
Highly Questionable
Here’s
the Egregious Coaching Move of the Week. Washington is down 27 to 10 against
Dallas with only 3:49 left to play. It is 4th and 7 on the 22. Washington
needs two touchdowns and a field goal to tie. Wouldn’t the logical strategy
be to kick the field goal now, then go for an onside kick? Apparently coaching
genius Joe Gibbs didn’t think so, as he went for it. Brunell was sacked
on the play and the game became officially out of reach as Washington got
no points and no chance to get the ball back on an onside kick. Granted, the
chances of catching up with so little time left were minimal no matter what
Washington did, but at least there was some glimmer of hope if they kick the
field goal.
The Jets
The
New York Jets showed how not to end both halves of their game against New
England. In the first half Chad Pennington ran out of bounds on third down
with about a minute to play, giving New England plenty of time. Then the punter
managed a 10 yard kick, giving New England great field position. New England
then proceeded to score a touchdown with about 20 seconds to spare. At the
end of the game the Jets were down by a touchdown and had about one minute
to go almost the entire length of the field with no time outs. Instead of
throwing sideline passes, they completed three short passes up the middle,
spiking the ball in between to stop the clock. After using 50 seconds to go
36 yards, they found themselves at their own 45 with only 15 seconds left.
The resulting hail mary pass ended with an interception. Granted, the sidelines
were probably very well covered by Patriot defenders, but if you are going
to be forced to go up the middle, wouldn't you try to cover much more ground
than 12 yards at a time?
Miscellaneous Observations
We do not need to see appendectomy graphics just because Ben Roethlisberger
had it done.
If you are counted on to kick field goals, you should also be counted on for kickoffs. Mike Vanderjagt should be ashamed that he is impotent when it comes to the kickoff.
It was only four seasons ago that Tampa Bay and Oakland faced each other in the Super Bowl. Now, after two games played, neither team has scored a touchdown. Both teams were shut out in week one with identical 27 to 0 scores, and in week two they combined for three field goals. Two games in, they have been outscored by opponents 96 to 9.
Why don't announcers correct themselves when they screw up a name? Instead they gloss over it and pretend nothing happened. During the New England game Randy Cross referred to Ben Watson as "Benjamin Graham." Enberg continued with the conversation referring to Watson correctly, but neither corrected the error. Cross could have been referring to Daniel Graham, but it was apparent by the conversation that he meant Watson. It is not a really big deal, but why don't they ever acknowledge the mistake and make it clear who they are talking about? Cross is not alone, as many commentators do the same thing, especially the older, more senile ones who still have the classic voice but no longer have their full mental capacity (Keith Jackson during the Rose Bowl comes to mind.)
Why didn't Atlanta use Michael Vick like this last year? The BMTG has often wondered why the option is not used in the pros.
The score alone tells you nothing about the excitement level of the game itself. The Jacksonville 9 to 0 victory over Pittsburgh was exponentionally more exciting than the 9 to 6 overtime sleeper between the Broncos and Chiefs.
This Week’s Edition of Commentators Who Need To Go
The Monday Night sideline duo of Michelle Tafoya and Suzy Kolber - The backup crew for Monday Nigth Football (the crew that was used in the second game of the Monday night double header in week 1) featured Bonnie Bernstein on the sidelines, who is far better than both Tafoya and Kolber, and could handle the entire job on her own. In fact, it would be a good idea to replace the Tirico / Theissman / Kornheiser crew with the backup trio of Nessler / Jaworski / Vermeil who did a solid job in that week 1 San Diego - Oakland game.
Egregious Fantasy Notes
According
to the rules, the Egregious Error Tally is re-established if the trend of
inactive and grossly mismanaged teams continues. So, the following is not
considered an official egregious error, but it is noted as the First Egregious
Move of the 2006 Season:
Tin Man - picks up Earnest Graham as his #3 running back, with J.J. Arrington as his #4 (first backup if one of the top three is injured). Graham is the third string running back behind Cadillac Willams and Michael Pittman, and now has no carries through the first two games of the season. Arrington is the backup to Edgerrin James, who was notably absent from Tin Man's top 6 running backs. James was good for 208 smallworld points in week two (compared to zero for Graham). The second backup (#5 overall behind Graham and Arrington) was Brian Westbrook, who was good for 277 smallworld points. Also absent from the six running backs was New England's Corey Dillon, who was good for 220 smallworld points.
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