October
18, 2006: NFL Commentary, Week 6
By White Russian
Quest
for Winless Perfection
Only one winless team remains. Next week will be a battle with Arizona to
see who can play the worst.
Addendum to Week 5, Sunday Night Football
"The replay equipment malfunctioned. By rule we had to stand there for
two minutes. The ruling on the field stands. Touchdown."
Referee during the final two minutes of
the first half of the Pittsburgh-San Diego Sunday Night game
"Next time there's a controversy, somebody in the home stadium can pull
the plug - if a replay malfunction means the play on the field stands."
Al Michaels
"Biggest malfunction since Janet
Jackson."
Al Michaels
From The Diesel:
The response from the official didn't seem fitting for a league in which teams
are valued at close to a billion dollars each. Standing there for two minutes
acting like you're doing something is silly.
College Football
Arizona State at USC
USC is up 28 to 21. Arizona State punts to USC with about 1:20 remaining in the game. USC runs the clock, Arizona State calls their timeouts. USC runs the clock to zero anyway without having to get a first down.So why the punt from Arizona State? Why not go for it on fourth down?
Syracuse at West Virginia
Syracuse has a wide receiver named Rice Moss.
West Virginia ran for five touchdowns. Each of the first four touchdown runs were for more than 30 yards (69 yard run by quarterback Pat White, 52 yard run by Steve Slaten, 40 yard run by White, and 32 yard run by White).
"It's like baking a cake. It's a lotta White, it's a lotta Slaten, and a little bit of Reynaud, and a little bit of this. And it's a great mixture and it tastes great for Rich Rodriguez and the fans of the Mountaineers."
John Congemi, regarding West Virginia's offense and its ability to score from anywhere
Quotes from the Dallas game
"Have
you ever seen two magnets get together and then all of a sudden they're repelled?
Well, Dexter McCleon's a magnet. Terrell Owens is a magnet. They're coming
together. Guess what gets repelled? The smaller magnet."
Randy Cross explaining how Owens caught
a touchdown pass
"Take the 'R' off his name - it's 'Oy' Williams. Oy! when he hits him."
Randy Cross, after Dallas defender Roy Williams
delivered a hard hit. The loud "Oy!" in the quote is followed by
self-satisfied giggles before the sentence is finished.
"I don't know how they say it down under.......Oh my!"
Dick Enberg, after a 75 yard punt by the
Cowboys' Australian kicker. The ball went out of bounds at the two yard line.
The "Oh my!" came after a long pause while the previous words hung
in the air as if he was going to answer his own question then decided to emphatically
exclaim "Oh my!"
Pre-game Quote
"And then Marc Bulger, here, has been razor hot at the quarterback position."
Brian Baldinger before the St. Louis - Seattle
game
Rex Grossman and Fantasy Football
On
Monday Night, Rex Grossman looked like he was wearing a bit of makeup. Instead
of looking like a quarterback, he looked like an actor pretending to be a
quarterback in both appearance and performance. Like Warren Beatty in Heaven
Can Wait, according to Sandman.
Grossman
was so bad, his performance could have resulted in a virtually unbreakable
BMTG Fantasy Football record for worst performance ever by a quarterback.
The current worst effort is a negative 61.6 smallworld point game from Trent
Dilfer last season playing for Tin Man. Grossman's smallworld total for Monday
night was a negative 182. Sandman's explanation for dropping Grossman, who
was set to face a weak Arizona team, in favor of Drew Brees, who was set to
face a good Philadelphia team, was that he had a hunch that "Grossman
would buckle under the MNF pressure." The hunch paid off, as Brees was
good for 343 points, resulting in a net difference of 525 smallworld points.
Miscellaneous Notes
The University of Miami has given college football enough black eyes. It is
time to disband the program permanently.
Saying that Steve Lyons was fired because of his comments to Lou Piniella during the playoffs is just an excuse to get rid of him.
Triple A batteries are the most useless and ineffective battery ever created.
This Week’s Edition of Commentators Who Need To Go
Tim McCarver
Bill Walton - even though the NBA season has not started yet, it would be a good idea to get rid of him in a pre-emptive strike.
Egregious Fantasy Notes
Tin
Man is given two Egregious Errors - one for not choosing a Last Man Standing
team (second offense), one for playing two New England players in their bye
week (did not submit a roster).
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