November 9, 2006: NFL
Commentary, Week 9
By White Russian
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Perfection
NFL undefeateds: Indianapolis
College undefeateds: Ohio State, Michigan, Louisville, Boise State, and Rutgers.
Injury Report Still Useless
Typical example: Denver’s Tatum Bell was listed as probable. Come game
time, he was not even in uniform. And no one seemed surprised, as if it was
a given all along that he was not going to play.
It has been a standard practice for some teams (Denver comes to mind) to just list a bunch of players as questionable, rendering the injury list useless. The Indianapolis at New England game was a match-up of two such teams. Indianapolis listed 15 players as questionable, 2 players probable, and 1 player out. New England listed 19 players questionable and 2 players probable. A combined 34 players were supposedly questionable, only 3 players probable, and 1 player definitely out. By injury report definition, questionable means the player has a 50% chance of playing. For Indianapolis it appears that 10 out of the 15 (67%) questionable players did play, and for New England 13 out of 19 (68%) questionable players played. Not much can be inferred from these percentages, though, as it is certain that a number of the questionable players were actually either doubtful or probable, but they decided to lump them all together.
College Football
Uniform Numbers
Due to sheer numbers of players on college teams (the NCAA allows an active roster of 85 players), there are often players on the same team that have the same uniform number, as long as they are not on the field at the same time. For example, on California there is #10 Lynch on offense and #10 Bishop on defense, and #11 Jordan on offense and #11 Larson the punter. Seeing so many Cal players with the same numbers prompted the question about how many players they have that are like this. The entire Cal roster (including players who are not active on game day) contains 30 players who have the same number as someone else on the team. A small sampling of teams reveals the following relatively useless information:
Team West Virginia Arizona California Rutgers San Jose State Louisville Boise State *not all players are active on game day Penn State at Wisconsin
Bob Griese kept referring to the brats and chili that Paul Maguire had before the game. He noted that the feasting came in the morning, as the Wisconsin game was an early one, and how he was worried about being in a closed and confined area with him all afternoon.
The end of the first half was bizarre and illustrated how bad the new clock rules are in the college game. With 23 seconds left in the half, Wisconsin had just scored. Wisconsin kicked off, but every player was way offsides when the ball was kicked. The clock started running, because the new rule is that the clock starts when the kicker kicks the ball, not when the receiver touches it. Nine seconds ran off. Wisconsin set to kick again. Again they intentionally run offsides before kicking the ball. Again the clock runs and 10 more seconds are gone. Wisconsin then proceeds with a normal kickoff with only 4 seconds remaining. Paul Maguire thought it was brilliant thinking by Wisconsin. Joe Paterno was ticked off, but there was nothing he could do about it.
At the start of the third quarter, Bob Griese reported that the only thing the officials could have done was to call an unsportsmanlike conduct on Wisconsin. Maguire said that they should not call unsportsmanlike because there is nothing in the rules that say Wisconsin could not do what they did. He said that if they are going to look at it, they should look at it at the end of the season. This was before Joe Pa was taken out on the play that had two players barrel into his leg. Afterward, Maguire pulled a John Kerry-like flip flop and declared that the officials could have and should have put time back on the clock.
UCLA at California
Another example of how bad the clock rules are. It was Cal ball, leading 35 to 17. 2nd and 2. Runner is stopped near a first down with 6:08 to play. Clock runs to 5:58 when it is stopped to measure. 3rd and inches. Before the snap, clock starts again. False start is called at 5:36, clock stops. 3rd and 6. Before the snap, clock starts again. Lynch runs for a first down, but clock is stopped at 5:08 as two penalties are called, one on each team. Penalties offset, replay the down. Still 3rd and 6. Before the snap, clock starts again. Incomplete pass, clock stops at 4:46. That is 1 minute and 22 seconds from the time the runner was stopped short on the 2nd down play to when the pass was thrown incomplete on the 3rd down play.
Quotes:
During the Minnesota at San Francisco game, after an update on the Denver
game:
"What is going on with the Pittsburgh Steelers at 2 and 5? Denver battling
for first place in the AFC West."
Sam Rosen
"Sam, it’s the National Fake-You-Out League. You never know from
Sunday to Sunday. It’s wacky."
Tim Ryan
LSU
at Tennessee, after penalties pushed LSU back and they missed the subsequent
field goal attempt:
"That’s one of those little moments in the game you tend to forget
when it’s all over, but you probably ought to think about it right now."
Verne Lundquist
Penn State at Wisconsin, referring to Wisconsin’s punter:
"Ken DeBauche – he’s got the low rider socks. The kind when
you’re golfing and you don’t want to get a golf tan."
Brad Nessler
Penn State at Wisconsin, referring to Penn State’s punter:
"Kapinos kicks this one all the way to Lake Mendota."
Brad Nessler
Halftime
show of the UCLA at California game, regarding Joe Pa, who sustained a fractured
shin bone and two torn knee ligaments:
"We want to take this moment out to send our best to Joe Paterno, who
got hurt on the sidelines today. Got tackled. Guy hit him in the knee. He
needs an MRI. They had to take him out, but he didn’t want to go."
John Saunders
"Tough dude. Did not want to leave. You know what? Congratulations. Good
luck with the knee."
Craig James
"Standin’ tall."
Doug Flutie
Miami at Chicago, after Joey Harrington was picked off late in the 3rd quarter:
"Two TDs, two interceptions – it’s either been chicken or
feathers for Joey Harrington."
Greg Gumbel
Miami
at Chicago, regarding a Rex Grossman pass:
"Well, this is called 'Putting the Ball Right on the Hands of Your Receiver.'"
Dan Dierdorf
Miami at Chicago, regarding the loud Chicago crowd:
"This crowd’s acting like the turkey just got put on the table
at Thanksgiving."
Dan Dierdorf
Oakland
at Seattle, after Jerramy Stevens was called for taunting at the 10-yard line:
"Holmgren angry. Look at that face."
Tony Kornheiser
"He’s red-faced, too."
Joe Theissman
"That is bitter beer face that he’s got there."
Tony Kornheiser
The Stevens taunting call set off a strange sequence of events where Seattle quickly went from threatening at the 10-yard line to attempting a field goal on 4th and 24, at which point Oakland bailed them out with a rare penalty for Disconcerting Signal Call and an automatic first down. With Seattle threatening once again, Stevens dropped a sure touchdown in the end zone and Seattle settled for a field goal after all. And this wasn’t even the part of the game Stevens would be remembered for, as he was involved in a scuffle with Oakland’s Tyler Brayton near the end of the game when Brayton kneed Stevens in the groin. Brayton was ejected and the league later fined both players.
Miscellaneous Notes
Andrew
Walter was sacked on three consecutive plays in the first quarter.
Texas Tech had 23 pass attempts in the first quarter against Baylor. For the game they had 58 pass attempts en route to 507 passing yards. They added 175 yards rushing on 19 carries.
Why does the yellow, computer generated 1st Down Line have to be brought to us by some company? And now more and more they are using a red, computer-generated line of scrimmage. I say do away with these lines altogether, or at least use them only sparingly. There is enough crap on the screen already.
Chip
Caray (announcing the Washington at Oregon game) has really big eyebrows.
Art Shell looks like Dennis Green. They both stand expressionless and motionless on the sidelines during the game no matter what is happening on the field. And they are both going for the unique and disturbing Bill Parcells body shape, but as they will both never reach Parcells' level of coaching success, they will likely fall short in this area as well.
Miscellaneous Non-Football Notes
Sean Hannity has it right that the Democrats did not win because
of their ideals and principles – they won because the Republicans abandoned
theirs.
Oprah always seems to use extreme examples whenever she is helping someone improve in areas such as losing weight, paying off debt, creating a budget, or some other problem many people struggle with. She won’t use the average people who are doing a lot to help themselves already. Instead she uses someone who drinks two full cans of soda for breakfast. Or someone who goes out to eat for every meal (or has one delivered if unable to go out). Or someone who buys a brand new car every year and trades in the previous one. Or someone who is currently paying more than 20 percent interest on all of their credit cards. Or someone who spends more than $5 every morning at Starbucks. These extreme examples are the easiest people to help. What about the people who are already doing the things she recommends to the extreme people, but are still struggling?
This Week’s Edition of Commentators Who Need To Go
Craig James and Doug Flutie. Bad in the studio and bad during the games.
Egregious Fantasy Notes
The
egregiousness continues for Tin Man as he is given yet another Egregious Error,
this time for playing seven players in their bye week. With his sixth Egregious
Error, Tin Man loses his first round pick in the next draft he participates
in (extra last rounder).
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