November
25, 2005
Sandman at Large - Why I Hate Roseville
By Sandman, with BMTG guest author Natalie Varanelli
As the holiday season is upon us I would like to take this opportunity to formally announce my hatred an utter disdain for the city of Roseville.
It
has its travel shops and its malls and its families with 2.5 kids and all
of that and it repulses me to no end. The fact that Roseville residents are
complaining that a Wal Mart is being constructed makes me vomit. The residents
are upset that because of the delivery trucks it will cause noise in the early
morning and reduce property values. To this I say too bloody bad.
It is perfectly fine to have Wal Marts in other cities but not theirs. Why, why can’t they have a Wal Mart? I hope they do build a Wal Mart and I hope their delivery trucks roll and roll hard 24/7. I hope that Susie has a hard time getting up her chess playing, violin playing, son Taylor because of these trucks. I also hope that the other child Meghan is be forced into a life of prostitution as her poor grades will force her only to be able to get into Western Career College – "You can do it."
The uproar is largely caused by stay at home moms with nothing better to do than to make ginger bread houses and coffee cake. These lilywhites need more strife in their lives. What is really the worst thing to ever happen to these people? They had to go to a state college? They couldn’t get a full membership to Arden Hills Country Club? These people are not our friends. These people are the enemy. These people believe they are their khakis, they are the car that they drive, they are their bank accounts, they are their SUVs. These puppy kicking freaks need to be put down like an old tired dog after getting tea bagged by Mr. Deeeez, Mr. Deeez nuts.