28 Days Later (2002)
Alligator People, The (1959)
Amazing Transparent Man, The (1960)
American Psycho (2000)
Black Mama, White Mama (1972)
Cabin Fever (2002)
Children of the Living Dead (2001)
Choppers, The (1961)
Chrome and Hot Leather (1971)
Deadly Eyes (1982)
Death Wish I through V (1974 to 1994)
Diesel's Eye Surgery, The (2004)
Don't Open Till Christmas (1985)
Fight Club (1999)
From Beyond the Grave (1975)
Gorilla at Large (1954)
Happy Days - Demolition Derby/Fonzie Loves Pinkie (1976)
Human Tornado, The (1976)
In the Year 2889 (1967)
Invasion of the Bee Girls (1973)
Island of Dr. Moreau, The (1977)
Jack Frost (1997)
Jack O'Lantern, a.k.a Jack-o (1995)
Jamaica: ER
Karachi Kops: Gang of Four
Lady Cocoa (1975)
Last Dinosaur, The (1977)
Legacy of Blood (1978)
Man in the Brown Suit, The (1989)
Minnesota vs. Lakers Playoff Game #3, Final Quarter and
Overtime (2003)
Mister Scarface (1976)
Orloff Against the Invisible Man (1971)
R.O.T.O.R. (1989)
Severed Arm, The (1973)
Snowbeast (1977)
Spiders (2000)
TNT Jackson (1975)
Unholy Rollers (1972)
White Shadow (Coolidge wants to go pro)
White Zombie (1932)
Wizard of Oz / Dark Side of the Moon
Zardoz (1974)
Review
by The Diesel
 |
The first three minutes of this movie are by far the scariest and not for the squeamish as it has a full frontal hog and man ass to spare. After that, it becomes a delightful hybrid of Outbreak and Dawn of the Dead. While the British may have supposedly once ruled the seas, and thereby the world, they have since devolved into suckling whiners who are incapable of helping themselves. During the Revolutionary War they were soundly beaten by Double-A equivalent American soldiers, World War II saw the United States come to their rescue as the War Machine blitzed London into rubble, and now we witness "The Rage" decimate their little country. A nude monkey man is awakened from a coma to find out that he is one of the few remaining survivors of a blood disease that causes humans to go mad with "The Rage" and kill each other. Once infected, the onset of the disease is full blown in only a few seconds and the infected person is looking for others to bite, claw, spit copious amounts of blood into their face, and finally to eat.
Monkey man joins a few other survivors to take a cross country road trip to find more survivors and any copies of the Page3 Girl that he can get his hands on (see FREE STUFF list). They end up at Euro Graceland where the last British soldiers on earth are having a blue-balls party. Once monkey man avoids an assassination he wreaks havoc John Rambo style, kills the soldiers, and takes his two ladies to the country to party until the zombies cool down.
Things noticed during the movie: Monkey man looks at his dead mom's panties, Congo's jungle love was not as good looking as monkey man's, and the British prefer placing coma patients nude on top of the covers. P.S. Very good movie.
Free
Stuff British Monkey Man Got in 28 Days Later:
Review
by The Diesel
 |
Due to Congo taping only half of the movie, this movie was started during Festival 32 and completed during Festival 38 (Eight days short of one year apart). The long delay did not dampen enthusiasm for the only movie ever to inspire a BMTG Festival question: What would you wear if you were a gator person? Diesel: authentic football jersey & comfortable shorts, Congo: trench coat, Rainman: terry cloth robe, and Archie: nothing.
The fiancée of a rich bayou boy, believed to be dead, comes to Cajun country only to discover that her love is alive but has turned gator. While the gator man looks fairly dapper in his trench coat, his scaly face and funny looking hands make it difficult for him to mingle with the upper crust. Manon, the equivilant to a Crocodile Dundee of the swamp, makes a strong-armed advance on the fiancée after saving her from mouth-clamped alligators and rubber snakes. Fiancée has no interest in the drunken backwoods Romeo and thrashes about his love shack until saved by her gator man.
The story ends in sorrow, as Manon destroys the laser that is the last ditch effort to return the gator-man to human form (at least the parts that would show outside of a turtleneck and khakis). The half-baked result is a Slee Stak type head, complete with bendable rubber nose that sends him rampaging blindly through the woods. Thinking safety last, he falls into a small, yet deep, puddle of quicksand. Despite the buoyancy of his huge rubber nose he sinks to the bottom and calls it a day.
Amazing Transparent Man, The (1960)
Review
by The Diesel
Again, radioactivity causes more harm than good. A backwoods genius, with no aptitude for feng shui in his laboratory, has discovered a method to transform a normal guinea pig into an invisible one. The next logical step was to make a human invisible. Though the search for an appropriate candidate did not take on an American Idol type elimination process, the final selection was obviously the best choice. A lifetime criminal with a quick temper and love for concealed weapons was the candidate for invisibility. The criminal subject, once reluctant to expose himself to massive doses of radiation, is quickly convinced to do so after he watches in amazement the transformation of the firmly strapped in guinea pig. Massive lead rooms with peepholes are obviously an unnecessary precaution for this homemade nuclear power plant.
Unfortunately, like all invisible people stories this one gets stalled. After the predetermined invisible man "escape", looting, and soft groping, there is nothing left to do until they think of a way to trick the invisible man into getting caught. After a few moments of people getting choked or punched by an imaginary invisible gangster, the movie was turned off without any dissention from the peanut gallery.
Review
by Throcksmorton
 |
Christian Bale stars as Patrick Bateman. Bateman is a serial killer who terrorizes call girls, homeless people, and models. Bateman doesn’t look the role of a mad man. He is a Wall Street executive with impeccable taste, eating at only the finest and exclusive New York eateries – such as Dorsia. He has a secret…his desire to kill. Bateman is a mad man who is able to balance his lust for murder and his Wall Street VP job at Pierce and Pierce until he kills his colleague, Paul Allen, played by Jared Leto. Bateman kills Leto by bashing his skull in with an axe to the rhythm of Huey Lewis and the News – Hip To Be Square. Bateman also has an epic three way romp with two call girls…one he dubs Sabrina. This scene hits a crescendo when Bateman is getting his swerve on with the call girls to the musical styling of Phil Collins. Willem Defoe plays Mr. Kimball; a private investigator hired by Paul Allen’s family to investigate his disappearance. The exchange between Bateman and Kimball is incredible. In an effort to get out from under Kimball’s questioning Bateman tells Kimball that he is meeting a friend for lunch…the friend’s name – Cliff Huxtable. Although the character of Kimball is bumbling, Kimball is tenacious in his effort to track down the killer.
One of the most interesting scenes is when Bateman describes his morning workout/personal hygiene regime. He explains that he uses a myriad of beauty products to maintain his looks and does 1,000 crunches (modified sit-ups) every morning. He uses over three different kinds of moisturizers and beauty products every day. Batmeman has an encyclopedic knowledge of music. He loves Whitney Houston and Phil Collins, explaining that the song Invisible Touch speaks of the “intangibility of love.” All told this is a must see. Christian Bale portrays this mad man perfectly.
Review
by The Diesel
 |
In terms of California Governor votes, Cruz Bustamante’s role in this Afro-Oriental action movie proved to be much more damaging than Arnold’s quarter century of groping. In one pivotal scene, Cruz is loaded out of his taco, lying half naked on a beanbag, while he personally orchestrates a nipple electrocution. Even the most loyal of Bustamante supporters has to be troubled by this type of behavior and come to the realization that he is one bad burrito.
The movie opens with a lengthy view through a multiracial female prison shower glory hole. This scene single handedly made this one of the Sexologist's favorites (Also see Invasion of the Bee Women). Long standing rumors of Pam Grier’s unidentical breasts were validated when she came out of a port-a-potty without a shirt. Ms. Grier is indeed misshapen on one side yet she remained vigilant and exposed her boom booms as much as possible.
Review
by Brother Nature
 |
A must see. This film belongs on any top 25 if not top 10 list. Classic storyline of a group of college students on a getaway to the woods. But who could have foreseen such a fantastic display of predictable situations taking surprising turns. There is no blood shortage in this flick. Perfect Fall setting in a back-woods location for multiple murders. This time it is not some whack job but a bacterial disease that has the upper hand. There are a number of predictable scenes that cause you to have the much-desired reaction of “Why is he…?” but they take very surprising turns. This movie does not slow down. A little disappointed in the bathtub scene, much more was expected, but the film has many other touches to stay on track such as the change to all red at two key points in the film. Very effective use. Special props to Dennis for his fine acting performance who gets to do his Kung Fu in slow motion.
This was a pretty intense film with a major theatrical release feel. Just imagine how intense this would have been if it was an independent film! Also noted no unnecessary major explosions or unnecessary car chases. There is an old pickup/jeep chase scene that is relevant in the movie. However this also did contain one of the two continuity errors that I noticed (the old pickup was right behind the jeep going down the highway, but in the next scene when the jeep came to a stop off-road, it was several seconds before the old pickup showed up, perhaps the old pickup was delayed because now they were off-road, and the other error happened in the scene when the token moron/tough guy starts the jeep and begins to show signs of the disease and begins to spit up blood, in one shot he has blood on his chin and when he turns his head in the next shot there is no blood on his chin). Very minor errors that could be explained away. Definitely did not take away from this film to any degree. And of course the film ends with style as a semi truck drives away from the small town where this all took place with a trailer full of (diseased) fresh spring water. Fantastic addition to my film library.
Children of the Living Dead (2001)
Review
by Ahchie
 |
After
an onslaught of zombie movies that were all fairly similar, the BMTG made
the determination that zombie movies are only worthy of being feature length
films if the movie presents an original idea (such as 28 Days Later). Lacking
an original idea, the film should be relegated to a movie “short”.
Children of the Living Dead earned BMTG feature length approval with its decision
to give the head zombie, Abbott Hayes, characteristics that more resemble
the immortal trio of Jason, Michael Myers, and Freddy Krueger than his slow-moving
zombie brethren. While all the other zombies in the movie follow the standard
formula where people turn zombie by a bite from a zombie and the only way
to stop them is a bullet to the head, Hayes could not be killed by any means.
Abbott Hayes also had hands that resembled those of Ukrainian
giant Leonid Stadnyk – previously absent in other zombie movies.
If you can stomach the occasional zombie outbreak and stay off of Abbott’s property, this town could be an ideal place to live, for while the children grow up, the adults don’t seem to age with the passing of time. With the action spanning a period of 15 years, the only change noted was the style of Deputy Randolph’s sunglasses.
Despite
his disappointment in his favorite character’s early demise, Brother
Nature was pleased and excited to find that fellow longhair Tom Savini played
the role of Deputy Hughs. Among Savini’s film credits is his work doing
special makeup effects for 1991’s “Bloodsucking Pharaohs in Pittsburgh”.
Hughs was one of several characters in the film that talked to themselves
when alone or when fighting zombies. This is not just the occasional looking
in the mirror “Hey brother, how’s your ass?” Omega man moment,
this is endless banter on how you are going to accomplish every task you face
– like describing to yourself step by step what you are doing while
you get out of your car and walk across a parking lot.
Because the zombies trudged along at the standard slow pace and there was no shortage of weapons for the citizenry to fight them with, the filmmakers struggled to find various ways to give the zombies a chance. Stay a good distance from the slow of foot zombies and shoot them in the head? Sometimes, but Deputy Hughs would repeatedly run out of bullets, wrestle a few zombies, mysteriously find more bullets, kill a few more zombies, then waste the rest of his ammo in preparation for the next wave. A fully loaded pickup truck of about 20 construction workers, each with ample firepower, decided to go the route of hand to hand combat with the zombies, only using the lethal bullet to the head as a last resort. There was even a worker who decided to light sticks of dynamite in his car and throw them out the window, until eventually he somehow managed to throw a stick over and across the top of his car and back into the passenger side window, thus blowing himself up. In the end, the people think they’ve won, while we all know that Abbott Hayes will continue to stand by the shuttered windows of his barn loft watching and waiting for nothing in particular, but always ready to start another zombie uprising if anyone dare stand on his mama’s grave.
Phillip Bower gives a notable performance as the deep voiced car dealership owner.
Review
by The Diesel
 |
Poster reads: LAWLESS TERRORS OF
THE HIGHWAYS...AN ORGANIZED GANG OF CAR STRIPPERS IN A MULTI-MILLION
DOLLAR A YEAR RACKET |
The
gang members in The Choppers have a closer resemblance to Michael P. Keaton
than they do with the drive-by enthusiasts of today. Though well groomed and
substance free, they are as eager to make quick cash as any other teenager
with a chicken truck. The Choppers plan is as simple as it is genius. They
constantly patrol the desert looking for motorists unfortunate enough to run
out of gasoline or break down on the side of the road. Despite the sparse
traffic, a surprisingly regular supply of vehicles stop running a convenient
30 minutes from town. When the motorist goes into town for assistance, The
Choppers spring into action.
Jack
Cruiser, the pug-faced gang leader, who sings the confusingly titled and indiscernible
"Monkeys in My Hat Band" song, positions his hot rod in an advantageous
location that serves as both a lookout and a quick getaway. Jack then calls
his cohorts on a bulky short wave radio, which resembles a gigantic cell phone,
to let them know the car is unguarded. Within moments the other gang members
arrive in a flatbed truck full of live chickens.
The
Choppers unload from the truck with tactical precision and begin stripping
the vehicle. They take tires, mufflers, seats, and anything else that can
be sold at a local scrap yard to support their addictions to local diner cuisine.
In a trademark move, known as the "Chopper Flip", The Choppers flip
the vehicle on its side to have easier access to valuables underneath. Within
moments, the greedy youngsters have removed all the choice parts, have loaded
them on the truck behind the chicken coops, and are driving towards payday.
When the car owners return, they are surprisingly calm when they first see their car flipped on its side with large parts torched off of the undercarriage. The well-compensated youngsters prance around the one-stoplight town with great bravado as they harass ladies at the local diner and guzzle soda like holy water.
Before too long, the "never satisfied till he gets his man" detective notices chicken feathers at each of the crime scenes. After a long pause he decides that it must be teenagers with some type of feather-shedding, super-intelligent chicken as their leader, well, almost. The local authorities soon stage a sting operation, which is broadcast live on a local radio station. Thankfully, The Choppers decided not to listen to the radio at the time of the broadcast and proceed unknowingly. The chase begins and eventually ends up at the same junkyard where The Choppers sell their stolen car parts to the crooked junkyard owner. After one of the boys has a brief altercation with his intoxicated father, who apparently prefers getting drunk at the junkyard, the cops arrive and the shooting begins. The Choppers are then themselves quickly dismantled, as several of them are killed in action and the remaining few are hauled off to jail. As with most youngsters, Jack (played by Arch Hall, Jr. of "Eegah!" fame), Torch, Snooper, Cowboy, Gypsy, and Moose had to learn their lessons the hard way; however, it is better to have been a Chopper and die at the hand of the man than to live long and become the man yourself.
Review
by The Diesel
 |
Even a young M.J. in his prime couldn't save these Wizards. I like to think that everyone has a talent that they can call his or her own. You stick to that talent and you will be successful. This movie showed us that love-stripped Green Berets are excellent soldiers, but as bikers they come across amateurish with a sprinkle of gay. Once the GB's figure out that tiny motorcycles and rhinestone chokers don't strike fear into the Wizards they go with what they know. Handfuls of TNT and mortar shells shower the desert landscape as the bikers run for their lives. The Wizards are a tough bunch but the GB's had their location gridded out and it's tough to come back from that. As with most highly rated BMTG movies, this one has no ending. In the middle of the GB sorties, Drew Bledsoe completes a touchdown pass to Peerless Price. Buffalo eventually goes with what they know and celebrate Martin Luther King Day at home again.
Review
by The Diesel
This
film had very little to offer and was mainly scanned through. As promised,
there were rats the size of dachshunds. Unfortunately, they also ran like
dachshunds and appeared to be having fun much like dachshunds dressed as rats
would be having. This movie did inspire a new song for the music group Tropical
Peter. The song “Rat”, while not yet completed, will include the
stirring lyrics "Sweet meat, young and tender/ Here comes your dad,
gonna lose a finger.”
Death Wish I through V (1974 to 1994)
Review
by The Diesel
The BMTG’s preferred method for viewing the Death Wish movies I through V is from start to finish in one sitting. Not only are you able to enjoy the movies individually, you are also able to better appreciate the horrific events that regularly take place in the life of Paul Kersey (Chuck Bronson.) Another advantage is watching the upper-middle aged Kersey transform from a naïve well-intentioned vigilante to a bloated and sluggish killer for hire.
Paul Kersey is an architect at a New York City firm and he bears little resemblance to what television has taught us about architects (Mike Brady, George Costanza). Kersey prefers large framed spectacles, an unruly hairstyle, and a thin mustache. He rarely shares pleasantries with his coworkers and barely acknowledges their outlandish ideas for social reform. His building designs tend to be of the same basic design and come in four pricing schemas:
Death Wish I (1974)
Kersey’s Wife is killed and his daughter’s rump painted by a grocery
store gang. The gang is led by a juvenile Jeff Goldblum, who wears his signature
Jughead hat that he made famous in Jurassic Park and Independence Day. Despite
the brutality of the crime and several witnesses, the police offer little
more hope in finding the killers than finding a stolen bicycle. Kersey struggles,
with the help of his weak willed son-in-law, to cope with the loss of his
wife and the permanent catatonic state of his daughter. Even a satisfying
meal of livers cooked medium-rare and spaghetti in his Mercat orange dining
room does little to sooth his pain.
Kersey decides to begin taking late night walks around his neighborhood to thin out the herd. Night after night Kersey unloads his pistol into the bellies of brazen thieves. Although he never finds, or even attempts to look for, his family’s assailants, Kersey is satisfied with the unofficial impact he is having on cleaning up street crime (down 50%). Often more lucky than smart Kersey benefits at least once from a late-night Wizard of Oz party that camouflaged his escape with balloons and dancing characters.
Death Wish II (1982)
Kersey falls in love half-hoping that the person of his affections doesn’t
end up dead. Unfortunately for both, the Kersey curse continues and by movie’s
end Kersey is again a bachelor. Kersey's catatonic daughter makes another
appearance and jumps out a window to her death while being held captive by
Laurence Fishbourne's gang.
Kersey decides to live a double life and rents a studio apartment in the section of town that has all the churches. Disguised with a black wool cap, Kersey moves about the underworld of Los Angles bumping into his daughter’s kidnappers unnoticed. Kersey has evolved in that he prefers to say something clever to the criminals before he kills them.
Death Wish III (1985)
Kersey returns back to New York City and is thrown into the modern day equivalent
of the Five Points. Gang members, clad in half shirts, studded armbands, and
“not equal to” markings on their forehead prey upon the inhabitants
of an unofficial retirement home. Kersey goes on his usual killing spree but
this time he is equipped with more than a handgun. His preferred weapon is
a large safari pistol that uses the same caliber of ammunition used by big
game hunters such as Masten Thrust. The safari pistol easily disposes of the
swift “Giggler” from a block away. He later uses a large machine-gun
and a rocket launcher. Kersey, who prefers to work at night, is often confronted
during the day. Kersey leaves town with his two large suitcases in hand. Despite
the fire, destruction, dead bodies, and the grandma style patterns on his
luggage, Kersey is allowed to leave without once being stopped by an officer.
Death Wish IV (1987)
Kersey almost makes it through the entire movie without having his lover die.
Unfortunately, his girlfriend gets gunned down outside a parking garage with
a few minutes of reel time remaining. Kersey responds by eliminating her killer
with a missile launcher to the chest. Kersey is taken in by a confidence man
that funds his vigilantism and provides him with a list of key targets. Kersey
finds that the Mafia is no more a challenge to him than young street toughs
and proceeds to eliminate two crime families without getting hurt.
Death Wish V (1994)
Barely watchable. Over the years the Death Wish series was slowly slipping
away but even after Death Wish IV it had enough life left to justify another
installment or two. This movie brings the entire series to a sudden end with
its boring story and lethargic Paul Kersey wielding his mighty boomstick.
The BMTG scanned through the final 45 minutes of this movie and even at 4x
speed the movie appeared too slow to keep anyone awake.
A
Study of the Super Hero Characteristics of Paul Kersey’s Death Wish
Vigilante by Ahchie
The newspaper named him the Vigilante. The people loved him as much as if he were a real life super hero. The question stands, then, is Paul Kersey as the Vigilante in the Death Wish movies a type of super hero? An analysis focusing on Kersey’s Vigilante, Peter Parker’s Spiderman, and Bruce Wayne’s Batman, reveal that there are striking similarities, as well as striking differences.
Origination
The events that caused Paul Kersey to turn vigilante are in line with the
path taken by many super heroes. Kersey, the extremely mild-mannered architect,
was driven to become the Vigilante after his daughter was raped, his wife
was murdered, and the police were impotent to do anything about it, treating
the heinous crimes as though some kid’s Blaupunkt had been taken from
his car. Ironically, the police launched a vigorous investigation into the
killing of the homeless mugger that was the Vigilante’s first victim.
The fuel that kept Kersey’s need for vengeance burning was the continuing
tragedies that befell his loved ones, in particular his lady friends. In the
later movies, Kersey gets additional incentive to go after criminals when
he is offered money to do so.
Of similar origin, Bruce Wayne’s impetus for becoming Batman was witnessing
his parents’ murder at the hands of a thief. The beginnings of Peter
Parker as Spiderman was quite different, with a spider bite leading to his
super powers, but his forays into vigilantism were prompted by the murder
of his uncle at the hands of a thief – a thief who he had the opportunity
to stop before the killing.
Both the Vigilante and Batman seem to thirst for revenge and have a bit of
a dark side to them, while Spiderman was initially pushed with the desire
for revenge, but was sustained by the desire use his powers for good, going
with the motto, “With great power comes great responsibility.”
Super Powers
Spiderman had a number of well-documented super powers, all coming from the
spider bite. Batman had no super powers, but seemed to be exceptionally strong
and was well equipped with super gadgets that enabled him to perform super
hero feats. The Vigilante had no super powers and no super gadgets –
just rage, a 475 Wildey Magnum, and an unsurpassed shooting eye. Batman made
the most of his gadgets and was virtually invincible. The Vigilante made the
most of his Wildey and sharp shooter skills and was almost as indestructible.
In later movies, Kersey expanded his firepower with bigger and more powerful
weaponry.
Methods
All three subjects in question had their own signature methods in dealing
with crime. Spiderman would hear a police siren and know that he was needed
somewhere. He was on the job day and night. Batman would see the Bat Signal
in the sky and know that he was being beckoned to help catch a criminal or
solve a particularly vexing puzzle. The Vigilante operated primarily at night
and just walked the streets looking for criminals. Often, he would pick the
most dangerous areas and try to appear helpless in an effort to lure the criminals
in. Then he would unleash his Wildey until they were all dead. While Spiderman
and Batman captured criminals, the Vigilante killed them.
Interestingly, the Vigilante never sought to find the criminals that killed
his wife and raped his daughter, nor did he show much interest in finding
specific criminals. Instead he just killed whatever criminal he came across.
The Vigilante’s modus operandi gradually shifted through the series
from being a self-financed revenge machine to a handsomely paid mercenary.
Costume
Spiderman and Batman’s costumes are well documented. Spiderman’s
was bright, while Batman’s was dark. Their costumes were distinctive
and immediately recognizable. The Vigilante had a variety of outfits, including
a fake arm in his overcoat (Death Wish I), a longshoreman beanie (Death Wish
II), and members only style leather jackets in the later movies, along with
coat and tie during the daytime.
Nemesis
Spiderman had, among others, the Green Goblin. Batman had, among others, The
Penguin and The Joker. These villains had similar originations as the super
heroes, but chose to serve themselves and be bad guys instead of using their
powers and abilities for the good of mankind. The super hero nemesis always
has a costume as distinctive and recognizable as the hero.
The Vigilante had a variety of nameless muggers who always underestimated him, and the closest he came to having a nemesis was Richie Cunningham’s older brother Chuck, who played the role of Fraker in Death Wish III. Fraker had an unthreatening reverse Mohawk (the middle strip of hair was shaved and the rest was cut short and slicked back) and his gang had not-equal signs scribbled on their foreheads. Spiderman and Batman’s enemies kept coming back, but the Vigilante’s enemies were always killed.
Relationship with the Three P’s – The Populace, The Press,
and the Police
For the most part, all three, Spiderman, Batman, and the Vigilante, were loved
by the populace, despite efforts by the press to paint each in a negative
light. At times, and in their own ways, all three inspired the populace to
fight back, including the time when the Vigilante inspired a woman to fight
off her attackers with her hat pin.
At times all three were decried as criminals by the local press, and other times they were portrayed as saviors to the city. When it came to the daily paper, one day a super hero is heralded for their great deeds, and the next day he is said to be in cahoots with whatever nemesis is currently terrorizing the helpless city. One day the paper wonders where the hero went, and the next day it is gladly pronouncing the triumphant return. The press has consistently been inconsistent in their attention to super heroes and Paul Kersey’s Vigilante is no different in this regard.
All three had their moments being treated as criminals by the police, but the Vigilante had the shakiest relationship. Spiderman and Batman cooperated much more, in that instead of killing the criminals, they would capture them in a variety of creative ways and deliver them to the precinct doorsteps, often times with a little note. The Vigilante, on the other hand, killed as many criminals as possible. The police were conflicted, as they wanted the Vigilante to stop, but they also knew how effective he was. All three dramatically reduced the crime rate, but instead of being grateful to The Vigilante, as they were to Spiderman and Batman, they felt embarrassed by the success of the rampaging Kersey.
Relationship with Loved Ones
Peter Parker avoided getting involved with the ladies because he felt they
would be in danger as long as he continued to be Spiderman. Bruce Wayne did
not shy away from relationships and was very successful at concealing his
Batman identity. Paul Kersey was the complete opposite of Peter Parker. He
did not care how much danger he may or may not be putting his ladies in. After
one was murdered, he would find himself another, and when she was murdered,
he would start over and find someone else. The ladies he hooked up with were
always younger than he and more attractive than the prostitutes who would
turn away from him with looks of disgust. Almost everyone Kersey knew fell
victim to the rampant crime that flooded the cities that he chose to live
in. His daughter was raped at the same time his wife was murdered in Death
Wish I. His housekeeper was brutally raped and his daughter was raped again
while in a semi-catatonic state, followed by her decision to end it all by
running through a second or third story window in Death Wish II. An old friend
was murdered, along with his neighbor after Kersey started living in his dead
friend’s apartment (since the rent was already paid) and his girlfriend
was killed in Death Wish III. The next girlfriend’s daughter died of
a drug overdose and the girlfriend later died in Death Wish IV. And yet another
girlfriend was killed in Death Wish V. None of the deaths were accidental
– some were the result of random violence that permeated the streets,
while others were the direct result of being associated with Kersey, as his
enemies would get them in order to get to him, confirming Peter Parker’s
greatest fear.
Conclusion
Should Paul Kersey / Vigilante be placed in the same super hero category as
Peter Parker / Spiderman and Bruce Wayne / Batman? Giving the Vigilante super
hero status would be considered highly questionable, as there are too many
key elements missing, but the decision is not as clear-cut as it may first
appear. Not many ordinary people would be able to accomplish anywhere near
what Paul Kersey was able to do for such a sustained period of time, and the
conflicts that raged inside of him were the same conflicts that rage inside
of many a super hero. At the very least, the series reinforces the idea that
super heroes are necessary because the police are always going to be unable
to adequately fulfill their duties. In the end, perhaps, the Death Wish movies
should compel us to feel that any one of us could be a sort of super hero.
Diesel's Eye Surgery, The (2004)
Review
by The Diesel
This short movie could also be called The Passion of The Eye, for it shows powerfully unpleasant images and forces the viewer to take a personal look at their own life and beliefs. At what point do we simply accept who we are and celebrate our personal strengths? Are we really making decisions as to what weaknesses need to be improved or does society tell us? Elective eye surgery is the medical equivalent to having your kidney removed and cleaned. Sure it's all nice and sparkly, but it was working well before being spit shined.
It would come to a shock to many that the Diesel actually saw 20/400 prior to surgery. While not of Steve Austin quality, he was able to see. A gunman attacking his family at 20 feet away would appear to be only a little more than a football field away. The surgery corrected his vision to 20/20 in each eye, but if your family gets attacked, it's money down the drain.
Most viewers looked away and some even got physically ill but all left with a renewed appreciation for their own imperfections and lack of willingness to do anything about them. While Brother Nature and Ahchie felt uneasy watching the surgery, imagine the horror as the Diesel watched as his own cornea was sliced open, flipped up, and his eyeball laser burned. His gelatinous orbs were savagely poked and aggressively wiped by the Lasermaster until they were moist and crimson. The Lasermaster dreamily spoke to the Diesel as he went to work, "Doing great sport", "Hang in there buddy", "Way to go champ", appealing more to the Diesel's vanity than to his opium softened concerns.
Elective eye surgery, such as this, is performed by money hungry butchers on uninformed consumers too frightened to disappoint society. This movie should be celebrated, not for it's grotesque images, but because it forces us to see to what lengths some people will go to be "normal".
Additional Review by Throcksmorton:
The surgery was a success. The Diesel can now see better than ever.
The Lasik surgery was very scary to watch. When The Diesel’s cornea was peeled back like a Filipino candy and the laser tagged it with fervor I think we all got a little concerned. It was troubling to see the Diesel with his eyeball fastened down like some kind of outtake from Hellraiser II, however; the bedside manner of the doctor calmed everybody down. His constant words of encouragement like…”Good job buddy” and “You’re doing great, Dog”, made us all feel better when the laser peppered The Diesel’s eyeball.
The Diesel, when all of this went down, was cooler than the other side of the pillow (thanks Stuart Scott). That was because they hooked The Diesel up with large amounts of the epic mind altering substance Ativan – which is believed to be a distant cousin of peyote.
Although the surgery was a success, it was troubling to watch. Perhaps the most scary thing about the surgery was in the distance..if you listen real close…you can hear the 1979 classic song from Rupert Holmes, Escape – The Pina Colada Song.
Don't Open Till Christmas (1985)
Review
by Ahchie
A
movie with a lot of potential, but, sadly, not much that was memorable. The
basics are that there is a madman loose who is killing anyone dressed as Santa
Claus and Scotland Yard is impotent in its attempts to catch him. The madman
comes up with quite a few different and creative ways to kill and the directors
manage to put in enough Rainman moments to keep the movie going. Ultimately,
though, keeping it going is all that it does, as the tendency becomes one
of scanning through the dialog to see what happens next. The killings themselves,
however, become just as uninteresting as the dialog, and one is left scanning
forward just to see if there is anything else to satisfy the cravings of the
BMTG’s resident Sexologist. Like most other British films, this one
starts off with plenty of foreplay, wanders aimlessly for awhile, and ends
in disappointment, as the viewer is left wondering when and if the big finish
will ever come.
Review
by Ahchie, with contributions from The Diesel
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If the BMTG were to make a movie, Fight Club would be it. The quality of this film far surpasses any others that are regularly viewed by the BMTG and despite it's high quality, it was required viewing for Festival #42 so that Brother Nature (formerly known as Congo) could be "indoctrinated" with the philosophies of Tyler Durden. While the members of the BMTG may not agree with everything Tyler says and does,* this is the film that has influenced the BMTG the most. Fight Club is a veritable quote machine and with every viewing new elements of the film that have been previously absorbed by the subconscious are noticed. It is a masterfully done character study that is even better the second time you watch it. Support group tourist Marla Singer is seen entirely differently the second time around as you watch the movie with a different perspective. While Marla still needs a good scrubbing, she warrants consideration.
This
is not a film of violence for the sake of violence. This is also not a film
that needs to be over analyzed. It is what it is without apology and it makes
key points, among them that despite our perceived individualism, commercialism
is king. It does not encourage people to abandon their beliefs and embrace
total chaos, rather it shows some of the feelings that are dangerously lurking
under the surface. It shows what happens when someone snaps and goes over
the edge. While there are many benefits to Tyler's philosophy of just letting
go and not letting society and its expectations rule your life, exposed are
the downfalls of taking it too far and the hypocrisy of not taking it far
enough. Leonard Maltin was unable to figure it out and it is his review of
Fight Club (as well as another classic, American Psycho) that has convinced
the BMTG that Mr. Maltin is very gay.
*disclaimer included for legal reasons
Review
by Throcksmorton
A
seemingly down on his luck street vendor played by Donald Pleasance coaxes
a local businessman to come over to his house for dinner. While at dinner
the businessman meets the street vendor’s daughter. The daughter and
the businessman quickly fall in love. The businessman then kills his wife
to be with the daughter – a Scott Peterson like maneuver. The businessman
and the daughter get their swerve on and are married. The day of the wedding
ceremony the new bride kills her new husband when she cuts the cake. Once
she cuts the cake the new husband bleeds to death from his head. In a twist,
it is later discovered that the son of the businessman was behind all the
macabre mayhem.
Review
by The Diesel
Often times when gorillas are accused of murder they end up being proven completely innocent. In Gorilla at Large, you are certain the gorilla was innocent but you're glad they killed him just the same. Without the fallen Twin Towers to scale, our gorilla climbs a relatively short roller coaster to prove his point. He is then subject to an incredible "Shock and Awe" campaign that disorients him enough to lay down the obligatory unconscious woman and allow ground troops to fill him with bullets.
Lee Marvin has a memorable performance as a gray haired rookie cop with a weakness for bananas and sleeping in feces filled cages. Not sure if this was Mr. Marvin's first performance but it should have been his last. While it is expected that there be some lack of realism for the sake of entertainment, having all of the carnies well dressed and appear as though they just stepped out of the Men's Warehouse was a little over the top.
Raymond Burr admitted to murder so he could spend the rest of his days safely in jail. When it appeared the jig was up he straightened his tie, smashed out the detectives' office window, and hoped for a Karachi Kops style beating. It never came. Gorilla suits filled with trapeze tape, a terminated carny hanging dead on a fence, and the janitor from Reptilicus, make Gorilla at Large a confusing and overly drawn out feature.
Happy Days - Demolition Derby/Fonzie Loves Pinky (1976)
Review
by Throcksmorton
This 3-part saga had it all. Love, demolition derby, and of course a Malachi brother talking in a Shakespearean accent. Fonzi and his old lady, Pinky, go off and do motorcycle jumps like no other. They would hold hands and look lovingly into each other’s mug as they rode their bikes. The Fonz and Pinky take part in a demolition derby with the Brothers Malachi. Along with Brothers Malachi are some other schleps that had no crash’em up game at all. When the demolition derby began Mr. C. was sweating like he had some form of glandular disorder. In the next take, though, he is as dry as can be. Richie Cunningham provides the play by play for the local TV station.
While communicating via walkie-talkie, the Fonz and Pinky do quite well in the derby, but the now famous Malachi crunch does Pinky in. Pinky tries to escape from her car at the last second and one of the Malachi Brothers T-bones her as she jumps from her car. She is taken by ambulance to the local hospital. Fonzi, seeing this, is now more focused than ever. He pretends to be stalled but at the last minute moves his vehicle and the Malachi Brothers crash, making The Fonz the victor. Fonzi, though, isn’t satisfied. After the race he traps one Malachi brother in the Port-A-Crapper before rushing to the hospital with Richie. Fonz tells Richie that he wants to marry Pinky and proposes marriage after Richie excused himself to get a 44 ounce beverage at AM PM. The Brothers Malachi make their way to the hospital and tell Pinky and Fonzi that they, in an act of good will, have paid Pinky's hospital bills. Fonzi acts like a bad ass for a second, then simmers down.
Once back from the hospital Pinky is set to embark on a nationwide motorcycle jumping tour. She is going to have Fonzi be her chief mechanic. Fonzi is given a small advance via check from Pinky. Fonzi wigs out and feel like an employee and like Mr. Pinky. He can’t accept this and tells Pinky that he can't marry her. Pinky says she will give up her dream of being a motorcycle jumper for him, but Fonzi tells her to pursue her dream without him by her side.
Review
by The Diesel
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Dolemite delivers a heavy dose of black-fu, angry rhymes, and man-ass in this classic about a brother being wrongfully hassled for a little jungle love. Squeezing his spongy fro into a denim beret, along with a matching denim jumpsuit, Dolemite not only beat down the man, he looked good doing it. During the opening credits, Dolemite runs through a series of complicated original karate moves that leave no doubt as to why they call him the Human Tornado. Dolemite uses these moves, along with his patented gurgling, to kill off his enemies and save the ladies of the Queen Bee. Despite delivering rapid-fire beatings to anyone in his way, Dolemite’s speech is slow and deliberate as though he had a severe stroke. The other characters, including a bald Ernie Hudson (disguised in the credits as Louis Hudson) never call attention to Dolemite’s speech impediment as they patiently listen to his rhyming battle plans. Dolemite is obviously proud of his man ass and shows it several times, even once in slow motion. When angered, Dolemite resorts to displaying his passion through short and powerful rhymes that promise to cripple his foes and wreak havoc.
In an apparent shout-out to Fellini, several nonsensical scenes are marbled within the movie. A man walks into a restroom that is being used by an older woman, and proceeds to urinate in the sink beside her. Fellini himself would have been envious of such a scene and would have anointed it ”Bellissima!” sheer perfection.
Review
by The Diesel
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Brilliant movie, if only for the fact that it is daring enough to go out on a limb and take place in the year 2889, when most movies play it safe and venture out only a couple hundred of years from today. Curiously, the world witnessed more change between 1955-1967 than it will see from 1967-2889. The clothing, hairstyles, weapons, and bikinis of the distant future are all identical to those of the 1960's. While it’s unfortunate that powdered wigs never came back into fashion, it's encouraging to know that my closet of dress slacks and sensible sweaters will be as popular as ever in 800+ years.
A
nuclear explosion kills most of humankind and leaves a majority of the unlucky
survivors savagely mutated and incessantly hungry. The mutants are easy to
identify as they have sharp flared out teeth, bulbous eyes, severe eczema,
and faces so stiff they appear to be Botox junkies. While a mutant’s
fingers are noticeably longer than ours, including razor-sharp fingernails,
they tend to bend easily putting into question their true gripping power.
One hungry mutant had trouble grasping a rabbit from a trap because his long
flexible fingers couldn't get a firm hold on the animal.
The
rarely seen dark side of alcoholism is explored when Captain John, the cantankerous
military man leading the survivors, destroys Hillbilly Tim's little brown
moonshine jug that had "xxx" written on the side. Captain John confesses
to others, if not himself, that "If I had known he was an alcoholic I
wouldn't have destroyed his jug". Alcoholic Hillbilly Tim, frustrated
that he has no more firewater to squelch back the demons, runs into the ever-present
fog at the end of the yard and enters the horrific world of mutation.
While some may watch this movie out of curiosity to see what the future will look like, at its core it is about the evils of nuclear weapons, our need for community, the triumph of the human spirit, and the little brown jugs that make life worth living.
Invasion of the Bee Girls (1973)
Review
by The Diesel
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If you are making sweet tender love, you hear a swarm of bees, and your woman’s eyes change into huge black olives, it's probably too late. A group of small town housewives liven up the party by converting other females into bee women, who in turn stare their unsuspecting lovers to death. Scoring high points for a prolonged bee lady hazing process, which involves group nudity, kissing, and chanting, this is one of the Sexologist's favorite films (Also see White Mama, Black Mama). The increase of sexually related male deaths forces the town elders to impose complete abstinence until the cause can be found. This decree results in predicable outrage from the sparse crowd, which is led by a pot-bellied loudmouth who laughingly implies that he can’t remain sexless for any length of time. A group of top-notch scientists, working out of an airport terminal, are unable to identify the cause of these deaths. However, thanks to the gang leader in Chrome and Hot Leather, who smoothly changes roles and plays a top government cop, the stingers are removed from these broads. After a wild conclusion of smoke, nudity, explosions, chanting, falling objects, screaming, and great bravery, we get our first glimpse of an actual bee. All the BMTG members then looked at each other and laughed at the funny little bee. Archie cried.
Additional Note: The movie’s “bee lady hazing process” is the only known scene to illicit a response from Rainman that can only be described as a cross between Bill Cosby and Gil, the Public Access Man.
Island of Dr. Moreau, The (1977)
Review
by The Diesel
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A
shipwrecked Michael York finds his way to an island that serves as a proving
ground for the experiments of Dr. Moreau, played by the seething Burt Lancaster.
The experiments include injecting animals, such as bears, lions, and hyenas,
with a brew that transforms them into a hybrid of man and animal – a
manimal. Upon learning about the cruel and painful experiments, which result
in manimals walking upright, talking gruffly, and sporting pig noses, York
tells Dr. Moreau that he doesn't approve. However, after a young waif pleasures
him late one evening, York does a John Kerry Flip-Flop(c)
and changes his beliefs regarding the animal torture aspect of the experiments.
When
he later discovers that she was originally a feline, he is only briefly troubled
before joining her again. York himself is momentarily changed into a manimal
as the doctor, bitter from York's disapproval, attempts to use him as a guinea
pig for reverse experiments. The result is a wild haired York who resembles
boxer Tex Cobb and speaks as though he just had his wisdom teeth pulled.
The Island of Dr. Moreau is best known for inspiring the BMTG festival location slogan, "Welcome to the House of Pain". The freed manimal creations of Dr. Moreau were so fearful of returning to the tortuous experiments at his plantation style dwelling that they refer to it as the House of Pain. There are three sacred laws:
If
a manimal breaks one of the laws, the other manimals hop around and scream,
"Send him to the House of Pain", "Let's go to the House of
Pain" and just plain "House of Pain". The manimals eventually
decide that Dr. Moreau lives his life in contradiction to the laws and decide
to attack his House of Pain plantation. The manimals free their caged brethren
only to be attacked by them because they are too human. Several manimals jump
on the backs of the rampaging animals and ride them until they are jolted
off. The entire scene is glorious with manimals grappling tigers around the
neck and being dragged through debris before being eaten alive.
Review
by Throcksmorton
A
convicted serial killer is set to meet his maker on Christmas Eve when the
truck he is traveling in crashes with a chemical truck. The mixture of chemicals
and snow turn the serial killer into a killer snowman. The killer snowman
has one mission – to kill the sheriff who put him away. The snowman
travels to the sleepy snow village of Snowmonton and goes on a Richard Ramirez-esque
killing spree. The best scene in the movie is when Jack Frost shoves and axe
handle down a local yokels throat. Jack Frost is ultimately thwarted by hair
dryers and a flatbed pickup truck filled with water. For any B-Movie fan this
is a must see.
Jack O'Lantern, a.k.a. Jack-o (1995)
Review
by Ahchie
Dismissed as just bad, criticized for not being on the same level as Halloween, put down for being a poor-man’s combination of Freddy Krueger and Pumpkinhead, Jack-o has not been given its just due – until now. The BMTG has always recognized Jack-o for what it is, however, and has voted it as the number five film in the Top Ten “B” List. Obviously made very quickly with very little budget, Jack-o has that certain quality that the BMTG looks for. It is not something that can be easily described, but this film shares qualities that you will find in other fine classics such as Ticks and Troll 2. As with many BMTG classics, the best moments of Jack-o come in the first half when the legend of Jack-o and the characters are introduced. After that, one doesn’t really care what happens as the story behind the legend of Jack-o turns out to be rather uninteresting, but the film remains entertaining throughout nonetheless.
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The story itself begins with the legend of Jack-o as told by Simms (Bernie Fidello) while sitting around a campfire with the boy hero of the film, Sean Kelly (Ryan Latshaw). This scene is played perfectly by Fidello and is considered by the BMTG to be one of the all time best movie introductions. Unfortunately this movie appears to be Fidello’s only work on either film or television. In fact, for the majority of the cast this movie is their only film credit, including most of the main characters. While it is painfully obvious they had never acted before, there is also a sense of loss knowing that Jack-o would be the beginning and ending of their fifteen minutes of fame.
While Simms introduces the legend, there is no explanation for what relation he is to the boy and why they are out in the woods alone, although it is assumed that he is a type of uncle-figure to the boy. It turns out Simms is just some older guy in the neigborhood who decided to go carve pumpkins in the woods with young Sean while telling him scary stories. Thankfully there is not even the slightest hint of impropriety, as this movie was made before news came out about the real life Jacko and his Neverland sleepovers.
Soon
we are introduced to the mysterious Vivian Machen, who the neighborhood views
suspiciously but the Kelly family welcomes like a long lost family member.
While a bully is picking on Sean and his girl, Vivian drives up in her car,
prompting the three kids to “hide” next to a nearby bush. The
bully plays tough by throwing some small rocks that land harmlessly in front
of the car's tires while explaining that in the old days they used to stone
witches. Sean stands up for what is right and Vivian breaks up the ensuing
“fight.” Sean shows off his don’t talk to stranger skills
by refusing to get in the car, but allows Vivian to walk him home after she
reveals that she already knows his name. Back at Sean’s house, Vivian
quickly warms up to Sean’s father, David Kelly, by offering to help
with his charity scare house. Not long after, she is invited for dinner and
becomes a fixture in the house. Sean’s mother, Linda Kelly, does not
seem too comfortable with the new arrangement, but plays along anyway. To
show her disapproval, Linda’s eyes constantly bug out until anything
happens, then they bug out even more.
Although he appears to be just an average, mildly out of shape, thirty or forty-something, David Kelly seems to be a hit with the ladies. There is no rational reason for it, but there is a general feeling that the ladies flirt with him wherever he goes. He seems oblivious to it, except for the extreme come-on of the baby sitter (Linnea Quigley) who compares him to a little boy and then suggestively says how much she likes little boys. When Sean asks if he can check out the sitter’s sister’s boyfriend’s motorcycle, David, while undressing the baby sitter with his eyes, slyly tells Sean that he can look but not touch.
There doesn’t even appear to be a genuine need for the baby sitter, as both parents are home. The explanation is so that they can operate the scare house in the garage, even though one of the parents always seemed to be available. It appeared they spent very little time in the scare house, and even if they did, the garage was conveniently located close to the house if young Sean needed anything. While the baby sitter did take Sean trick or treating, the real purpose of introducing the baby sitter was for the all-important fairly standard shower scene that took place when Sean’s mother called to ask her to baby sit. Having the baby sitter also allowed for the introduction of the wild sister and accompanying Andrew Dice Clay look-alike rebel boyfriend.
The Pumpkin Man himself is unleashed when a trio of drunken youths wandering the woods looking for graves unwittingly removes a giant wooden cross from Jack-o’s grave. The killings begin as Jack-o rampages through town seeking revenge against anyone who gets in the way as well as the ancestors of anyone with the last name of Kelly. Throughout the movie we are given flashbacks to the story behind the Machen and Kelly families, culminating in a showdown at the end. Sean, the boy who is easily scared by anything on late night television, finds the strength to fight back in an epic battle between good and evil.
The worst part of the movie is the negative, stereotyped, and overplayed portrayal of the conservative, religious couple. The bit was intended to be funny and that is where it went wrong. The rest of the film attempts to deliver a scary story with no budget and bad acting (a good combination), but this supposed comic relief starts to drag it down the tired road of purposely being bad in order to be funny (which almost never works). The brevity of the scenes is what saves them from ruining an otherwise classic effort from director Steve Latshaw.
The film also features a posthumous appearance by the legendary John Carradine.
Review
by The Diesel
Jamaican's make us laugh with their funny dreadlocks and constant references to smoking marijuana. They also have amusing characters that blend simple logic, carefree attitudes, and drink on the beach for a living. Even this hospital has a weathered old man who sings Sinatra tunes while Band-Aids are put over bullet holes. If you weren't ill before you came to the Emergency Room you are sure to catch something before you leave. The laughs are as rare as quality stretchers in this reality show. If you like lonely doctors and t-shirts covered in congealed blood, this short glimpse into the life of our rum swilling neighbors should satisfy you as much as any episode of M*A*S*H 4077.
Review
by The Diesel
Not as much of a thrill ride as other KK episodes but still enough action to satisfy my third world appetite for justice. The beatings behind closed doors, the good police work based only on weak accusation, and the miniature vehicles carrying large volumes of criminals and officers crammed together make this a somewhat typical KK episode. Take out the overly grieving mother and the drawn out civilized interrogation (luckily this turns into a beating) and you have a very solid KK episode.
Review
by Throcksmorton
Epic movie. Stellar perfomances by NFL players Mean Joe Greene and Gene Washington.
Filmed in picturesque Lake Tahoe. Lady Cocoa plays mob informant released
into the custody of a rather old guy who looks likes Mr. Willis from The Jeffersons.
Gene Washington protects Lady Cocoa like no other.
Lots of twists and turns. It turns out that the Mr. Willis look alike is in cahoots with Mean Joe Greene –the assassin.
Additional comments on Lady Cocoa by Archie:
Lola Falana starred as Lady Cocoa and came off as a sickly crack addict with
a vulgar mouth that is best encapsulated in the scene where she compares a
piece of bad artwork on the wall with a used kotex. While she had too many
lines, Mean Joe Greene did not have one speaking part in the entire movie.
This film started with tons of potential, but quickly went into a downward
spiral that it never could recover from. Very disappointing and not recommended.
Review
by The Diesel
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Prepare to meet your Messiah - they call him Masten Thrust. Male role models have become increasingly difficult to find in today’s overexposed society. Every other day an apparent role model is forced to tearfully apologize for a youthful indiscretion or he innocently gets a few youngsters drunk on his ranch. The Last Dinosaur is the story of the last great hunt of Masten Thrust, an old, grizzled, big game hunter who serves as role model supreme. Despite his haggard features and bulbous nose, the females, including Joan Van Ark, are attracted to him like Meatloaf is to cheesy lyrics. Thrust is openly sexist and makes no apologies for his elaborate lifestyle, which includes a red kerchief and a private jet with a working fireplace.
Thrust embarks on a mission to find and hunt the last dinosaur on earth when ironically, after a rich full life, he is truly the last dinosaur. Despite his propensity for yelling at everyone in his presence, his employees and lady friends are unwaveringly loyal to him. He may act as though he’s perpetually drunk, but make no mistake, if he calls you a “Ding Dong” you are a “Ding Dong”.
Not to be denied his own ballad, Thrust’s song shamelessly praises him and his manliness. A sampling of lyrics includes: "Few men have ever done, what he has done, or even dreamed, what he has dreamed/Few men have even tried, what he has tried, most men have failed, where he’s prevailed/The world holds nothing new in store for him, and things that startle you and me, are just a bore to him/Few men have ever lived, as he has lived, or even walked, where he has walked”. Even BMTG banned artist Clay Aiken could belt out those lyrics and become an ass-kicking machine.
Thrust
and his crew of scientists strap themselves into the “Polar Borer”
wearing mini bike helmets, though Thrust affords himself the luxury of the
red kerchief around his neck. The giant human filled drill bit digs through
the earth and ice to come popping out into a lagoon. Dinosaurs from the air
and land soon descend upon the scientists forcing Thrust and crew to run for
their lives. After narrowly escaping a charging dino, Masten lays back and
blasts out a hearty laugh, not so much to celebrate life but to acknowledge
“the game is afoot”.
Soon after, it is little surprise that we see a few slightly hunched over cavemen sneaking peeks at their visitors. Thrust, not content with simply killing a dinosaur, decides then to make it his mission to bag a cavebroad. Throughout the movie, the lone T-Rex contradicts the belief that dinosaurs have a brain the size of a peanut. Despite its enormous size, the local T-Rex is able to sidle up next to its victims virtually unnoticed. With the element of surprise, T-Rex simply crushes a scientist or two and loots the campsite. Every so often the bloated and craggily faced Thrust is seen yelling at someone, shooting at something or flirting with a primitive J-Lo in manly fashion.
Thrust is like James Tiberius Kirk, not only in his addiction to love, but also when is comes to making complicated weapons using limited natural resources in a short period of time. Thrust and the remaining crewmembers construct a highly accurate catapult that flings a large boulder into the skull of the cunning T-Rex. Upon realizing that even he, Masten Thrust, cannot top this addition to his trophy case, Thrust decides to stay in his prehistoric surroundings. The ever-dwindling crew then leaves Thrust to live out his days with his lovely, although a bit gamey, cavewoman and introduce her to his personal collection of STDs.
This
is only a brief synopsis of a movie so complicated and rich in BMTG tradition
that it takes several viewings to absorb its message and realize that Masten
Thrust is the answer. The press conference, complete with a yelling Thrust,
mumbling reporters, and the introduction of the great Bunta, is a classic
moment. Also look for a body, resembling a dead Ricky Schroeder, lying on
some logs, and the most powerful use of someone being called a “Ding-Dong”
in cinematic history.
Review
by The Diesel
Like Steve Howe and Eric Roberts, the Legacy of Blood (LoB) starts with so much promise only to be a casualty of its own shortcomings. All of the elements were there; bad acting, bad story, strange deaths, and a 70's wardrobe. LoB is soiled by excessive dialogue and long periods of standing around waiting for nothing to happen. An impressive listing of the highlights include:
Despite those tempting highlights, do not be fooled into watching the LoB. The time span in between each measurable highlight may be brief, time wise, but physiologically they are unbearable. LoB is the equivalent to Astroturf in that, while it may appear functional, it is actually soulless, full of uneven seams, and bad for the knees.
Man in the Brown Suit, The (1989)
Review
by The Diesel
Viewed
by the BMTG as a tribute to Tony Randall shortly after his death, this Agatha
Christie mystery turned out to be absolutely unwatchable. While far from his
best work, The Man in the Brown Suit (TMITBS) is a milestone effort by Randall,
as it serves as his coronation as the king of the metrosexuals. The well dressed,
properly mannered, neat half of the odd couple has frequently been accused
of being a light dancer. Until you learn of his personal life, in which he
was married twice and fathered children, it was easy to misinterpret Tony’s
feminine mannerisms, love of Broadway, and general perkiness as key indicators
of his sexual preferences.
While
TMITBS allowed Randall to again try on several roles, as he did in the Seven
Faces of Dr. Lao, the depth at which he portrays his female characters makes
Dustin Hoffman's "Tootsie" seem as feminine as Teresa
Heinz Kerry in comparison. No BMTG member can hear the words “brown
suit” without conjuring up sickening mental images of Tony Randall in
his various costumes. It can be said without argument that the groundwork
Randall laid out with his performance in TMITBS invented the metrosexual label
and later led to his popular appearances on the Late Show with David Letterman.
Tony
is supported by BMTG favorites Rue McClanahan, Ken Howard, and Stephanie Zimbalist,
yet somehow the movie fails to deliver as expected. Zimbalist, however, continues
to turn the heads of the male Murder, She Wrote crowd in her role as a tourist
who is both intelligent and sensual.
Unfortunately,
her performance, coupled with her starring role in Elvis and the Beauty Queen,
still invades the dreams of the cardiac-compromised Throcksmorton. In
his dreams Throcksmorton believes that he is the giant, severely constipated,
Elvis Aaron Presley lying dead on the bathroom floor with the vivacious "Zimby"
performing CPR on his bloated chest. Every time he has this dream, Throcksmorton
Elvis is unable to reach the beautiful light before waking up, wildly reaching
for Stephanie. The now wide-awake Throcksmorton then runs immediately to the
mirror where he feverishly shaves off his grotesquely excessive chest hair
to see something more shocking than Tony Randall dressed in drag. Two small
hand prints, exactly the same size of Stephanie Zimbalist's, are somehow telepathically
imprinted onto his chest in the very same place that she was giving the giant,
constipated, Throcksmorton Elvis cardio-pulmonary resuscitation.
Minnesota vs. Lakers Playoff Game #3, Final Quarter and Overtime (2003)
Review
by The Diesel
The BMTG crowd was extremely disgusted by what appeared to be blatant favoritism by the referees on behalf of the Lakers. Wally Szczerbiak was called for a couple of critical phantom fouls and the overall number of poor calls in the last period+ was staggering. After each dreadful incident, you would hear Rainman yell "just wait," followed by Congo stating, "Oh, it gets worse". Rainman and Congo increased their ominous visions until only few seconds remained in regulation when they warned in unison, "You haven't seen anything yet." Their warnings almost caused me to turn away but how could I? With the oversized 22-inch screen blasting my eyes, I hung on every move and every word of the Tahoe Park duet. Congo and Rainman eagerly anticipated the next poor officiating decision while at the same time despising those who made it. These two often don't function well as a team, yet tonight they were both in the zone and acted as one. "Look at that", "No way", "That's nothing", etc... went back and forth as though they had rehearsed for hours. My heart was racing as I expected an official to pull out a Saturday night special and waste the boy-giant, Kevin Garnett. My worst fears were never realized and the game resumed to its conclusion. T-Wolves won.
Review
by The Diesel
Jack
Palance's role as a mildly scarred Italian mobster is exaggerated and uninspired.
Palance's lipless gaunt face is prominently featured on the DVD cover but
that is misleading as he is underutilized in this film. Believe It or Not,
Palance mismanages his ATM balance and writes a bad check to cover a gambling
debt at a rival gang's gambling shack, which can be best described as an Old
West crackhouse. The gang leader is upset about the bounced check but is fearful
of asking breathless Jack for the cash, as he is easily agitated.
The central character is a young man who is trying to make his way up the ranks as a legitimate businessman. The kid normally scurries about town in his dune buggy, sporting worn out jeans and a Yanni concert shirt, while effortlessly busting heads to collect overdue protection money. While he likes to look at the ladies, his voyeurism is always brief, as he has his eye on the prize and it takes cash to keep the dune buggy rolling in top form. The kid ingeniously conjures up a bait and switch plan to take the money back from Mr. Scarface that would have Danny Ocean taking notes. After stealing back the funds, the kid is pursued by Mr. Scarface as well as his own boss because he stole more money than was owed.
The
kid platonically, or so it seems, hooks up with a another fella, who at first
appears to only serve as the obligatory white, blonde-haired American. Blondie
was also kicked out of the gang the same day as the kid for some minor youthful
indiscretion. Eventually, Blondie proves himself worthy by killing cartloads
of Dagos with reckless abandon (it takes five Dagos to fill a wagon). This
over-dubbed story has limited appeal and quality b-movie moments are few even
if your standard for quality is on its lowest setting. If you like overdubbed
movies in which many of the 20 characters share the same voice and the translation
of dialogue is at times confusing, then this should be in your collection.
While this movie may have paved the way for Al Pacino's Scarface, it is with
good reason that these movies are polar opposites of each other. Seeing Pacino
storm into a garage and shout, "Say hello to my little dune buggy"
doesn't play as well in Miami as it does in Rome.
Orloff Against the Invisible Man (1971)
Review
by The Diesel
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The French have done it again. Invisible men who later turn out to be faded gorillas with no control of their vocal cords are a treat. For the local Sexologist there were naked babes aplenty (special DVD feature has clothed versions of naked scenes for DQ and Worley types). While the ladies did look as though they were sitting on the shoulders of Ben Wallace or Artis Gilmore it's not fair to be derogatory of the superbush. A pivotal scene in which the young daughter is attacked by a gorilla man on a bed of flying hay is effective in both the nude and clothed versions. Dr Orloff can't be trusted and lies several times in the movie.
Review
by The Diesel
R.O.T.O.R. - Robotic Officer of Tactical Operations Research.
It is rare that I endorse a movie without Robert Pine with a double-thumbs up; however, I hoist my mangled thumbs towards the heavens for R.O.T.O.R. without reservation. This movie forces you to realize how our lives are so subservient to technology and that when it fails our lives can be irreversibly damaged. Milli Vanilli encountered a small technological glitch some time back that damaged their lives, "Girl you know it's, Girl you know, Girl you know, Girl you know…". I even read about an obese man who was taking care of business (TCB) at an automatic flush toilet and had his spincter dislodged and a meter of colon pulled out. Every few years it's a robot cop who blows a fuse and rampages about the city hurting human folk. R.O.T.O.R. is such a story.
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R.O.T.O.R. is the acronym for a cop robot built by a tough straightforward human cop, Captain Coldyron, who now must shut down his flawed creation. Long drawn out scenes of Captain Coldyron riding his horse, getting ready for work, extraordinarily bad dialogue, and Captain Coldyron sporting huge Blue Blockers, make R.O.T.O.R. the Citizen Kane of the mustached robot cop genre. Captain Coldyron raises the stakes when he refuses to compromise his efforts and informs his corrupt boss, "I'll make more noise than two skeletons making love in a tin coffin," then promptly makes a career change.
As with most rampaging robot flicks, an improbable power surge to the robot causes it to misinterpret his objectives and deliver Death Wish style justice. A young, soon to be married, couple is arguing as they drive along the freeway, when R.O.T.O.R spots a minor infraction and starts his pursuit. The driver, frustrated that his fiancée does not agree with him, yells at her, "Look at you, you look like you got both eyes coming out of the same hole." R.O.T.O.R has seen enough and promptly pulls the guy over and blasts his brains out. The newly single white female (NSWF) frantically drives the car through the desert for the next hour as she is pursued by the battery powered cop.
Captain
Coldyron gets involved and decides that the only way to save the world, or
at least a small county in Texas, is to destroy R.O.T.O.R. Along the way,
he picks up a female scientist who resembles a young Bea Arthur with a Tony
Little type physique. During a philosophical robot rant, Captain Coldyron
gives his definition of R.O.T.O.R. as, "A brain without a heart, a conscience
without recognition, a will without a soul." As much as I wanted to believe
that robots are cool, Captain Coldyron was exactly right. The NSWF is chased
by the R.O.T.O.R., but since he can inexplicably replay video of an area shot
20 minutes before he even arrives, it's just a matter of time before he gets
her.
NSWF continues to get away until Captain Coldyron and the Bea Little scientist do some hand to hand with R.O.T.O.R. Sadly, Bea Little is killed just before Captain Coldyron is able to string up R.O.T.O.R. with some explosive twine and send…it… straight…. to… hell!!! We can remember Bea Little by her memorable line, "I'm like a cemetery, I'll take anybody," but it's easier to just recall her 80's perm with a skunk streak down the center. While most of their attributes cancel each other out, two distinctive features raise R.O.T.O.R. above the popular Robocop:
In
the final scene the Bea Little character returns and is frighteningly identified
as R.O.T.O.R II. Since the original R.O.T.O.R. closely resembled Jeff Foxworthy,
you can ask yourself a few simple questions to determine if you are a R.O.T.O.R.
and the real you is dead:
Review
by The Diesel
While
everyone is more than willing to receive the rewards and praise that come
with winning, there is also an unwritten rule that requires participants to
accept the consequences if they lose. Ted Rodgers decided he wanted to participate,
but when he drew the short straw, requiring him to lose a body part for his
friends to consume, he tried to back out.
In The Severed Arm, a group of amateur rock collectors decide to rummage about an old mine shaft only to have it collapse around them after one of the men unwisely digs near a supporting column. The director, not wanting to bore us with the tedious details of starvation, quickly advances the movie two weeks ahead. The men now appear a little dirtier, and they constantly complain of hunger, but immediately noticeable is that they all have thick beards. As though they had stumbled across an underground fountain of Rogaine, their 2-week-old beards are at 6-month fullness and they are neatly groomed.
Despite the fact that their full beards and pot bellies make them appear reasonably healthy, the leader of the group estimates that some, if not all, of them will die from hunger by the next day. The estimate goes unchallenged and is accepted as truth. The leader then suggests that a random member of the group have a limb removed so the others, and presumably the amputee as well, could feed off of it. The others quickly denounce the savage proposal until the leader is able to explain the nutritional benefits of eating raw human flesh.
Ted Rodgers chooses to participate; however, after he draws the short straw he screams and wiggles about trying to convince the others of the absurdity of what they are about to do to him. After reluctantly granting Ted a short reprieve, Ted's buddies again creep towards him and remove his arm and shirtsleeve with a heated hunting knife. Unfortunately, before they have time to properly prepare the arm, they are rescued.
Five years later, the leader receives Ted's perfectly preserved arm in the mail. The arm is considered to be Ted's roundabout way of telling his fellow rock hounds that he is out of the crazy house and ready to party. Soon, other members of the group are getting their arms chopped off, getting disturbed in the shower, and in a textbook case of taking things too far, some are killed. It is obvious to everyone that Ted is ignoring the spirit of his amputation, as well as his own willingness to eat a limb, and has chosen the route of misguided revenge.
While Ted initially screamed and kicked at having his arm severed, he appeared to have accepted his fate by simply passing out as it was being removed. It should also be noted that Ted's short reprieve was only stopped because he slammed a large stone on the top of his sleeping friend's head, attempting to murder him and undoubtedly eat his body. Despite the gruesome premise, there is little blood as most violent scenes are performed off camera. Due to this fact, The Severed Arm can be utilized as the perfect tool to educate young children about the benefits of cannibalism and rewards of fair play.
Review
by Ahchie
Bo
Svenson stars as Gar, a washed up Olympian who has come crawling to a struggling
ski lodge to beg for a job from his old friend Tony. Even though he has a
Swedish name and he plays a Swedish character, Svenson sounds and acts more
like a Texan than a Swede. The grandson of the ski lodge owner, Tony, is played
by Robert Logan, who is essentially a poor man’s Warren Beatty. Tony
has a problem controlling the volume of his voice, often speaking rather loudly
in face-to-face conversations. The only reason Tony has a job is because of
his relation to the owner and he quickly offers Gar a job, though it is obvious
that neither Gar nor Tony care what that job is. Sylvia Sidney plays Tony’s
grandma. Sidney is basically the opposite of Dick Clark, in that she always
looks old. Her portrayal of grandma is strikingly similar to her portrayal
of Juno in Beetlejuice eleven years later.
The ski lodge is preparing to hold a carnival of sorts, and it is established early that nothing will stop this carnival from happening, not even the disappearance of resort guests and rumors of a big foot type snow creature stalking the ski slopes. Tony has seen the creature, but the rumors of the beast are quickly dismissed as idle fantasy, because to do otherwise would jeopardize the anemic and pathetic looking carnival.
Gar, the newly installed ski instructor, believes Tony and argues the case in true hippie style that the beast should not be harmed. After later seeing firsthand the carnage left by the beast, Gar joins the anti-snowbeast camp and rediscovers his manhood. With his marriage in trouble and living life stuck in 1968, Gar completes his transformation back into a man after his wife spends the night alone in the woods. Once reunited with her, he shows her that he has become a real man of action who is finally able to satisfy his woman.
In between lone skier attacks and preparations for the carnival there is lots and lots of skiing down the same deserted mountain stretch, accompanied by sappy mood music. The filmmakers apparently thought the shots were so beautiful that extended scenes of skiers gliding down the pristine mountain were determined to be essential, as well as giving the added benefit of a time filler.
Eventually
the snowbeast tires of picking off skiers one by one and decides to crash
a rally at the ski lodge’s high school style multipurpose room/gymnasium.
In response to the beast’s attack, it is somehow determined that the
only people who can stop it are Tony, Gar, Gar’s wife, who is a reporter,
and the sheriff. None, except the sheriff’s law enforcement training
and Gar’s marksmanship, have any qualifications in tracking down the
murderous beast, but that is the option they go with. Declining to go with
something easy, like bringing in more qualified help, leaving out fresh meat
by the beast’s favorite cabin hangout, and finishing him off when he
arrived, the foursome decide to camp out in a trailer in the middle of the
woods.
Unfortunately
for them and convenient for the snowbeast, they park just within range of
a huge perfectly stacked pile of logs. The more intelligent than given credit
for beast sends the logs into the trailer and the opportunity for a true hero
to emerge is born.
Even though there are very few actual shots of the beast, this 1977 made for TV movie is still an entertaining diversion in the event your wiffle ball game is rained out. It is not, however, a likely candidate for repeat viewings.
Review
by The Diesel
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A nice update of the Spiders Gone Wild theme. While most spider movies concentrate on having hordes of spiders frighten, cocoon, and devour the populous, Spiders uniquely focuses on one spider at a time. A perky young university reporter, stud photographer, and a cranky computer genius are out looking for flying saucers at a secret government complex when they witness a space shuttle falling from the sky. Uninjured by the nearby crash, and remaining surprisingly calm, the curious young adults explore the wreckage before the MIB's arrived. They find a disturbingly, disfigured astronaut who looks like the Second Coming of Rocky Dennis. As if his day isn't already shot to hell, while pleading for a little TLC the dying astronaut is impregnated by a genetically altered spider. The spider, still burning from being poked and prodded in space, is determined to bring everyone down. The MIB's quickly show up, send Rocky to the infirmary, and torch the shuttle.
On the operating table, a spider the size of a toaster crawls out of the dead astronaut's mouth, kills the grave-shift surgeons, and rampages about the understaffed facility. After running from the spider(s) and the MIB's, the young adults slow down only to have the Computer Genius die soon after connecting the dots between spiders, the space shuttle, and his own virginity.
The spider(s) continue to grow at an alarming rate and are soon the size of dishwashing machines and just as strong. Eventually, a disillusioned MIB and the reporter hoof it back to the Daily News only to be met by the grizzled MIB who is determined to ruin their pity party. During their open and honest discussion, the grizzled MIB painfully rips out of the last suit he'll ever wear and transforms into a 5'10", slightly balding, enjoys romantic dinners, man-spider. Within moments, he is 20 refrigerators high and carelessly destroying the university campus and handicapped parking. The giant spider goes straight for the local skyscraper and enjoys some "me" time while taking in the million-dollar view. Although informed "There's nothing to see here…", the lusty reporter shows off her RPG skills and blasts the misunderstood man-spider while hanging from a helicopter.
This is a poor-man's Alien, with some nice arachnid fight scenes, including claws through chest, and lots of obligatory web. The young reporter also has a nice scene in which she is flailing in knee deep water wearing a wife beater, modestly rewarding those that are nimble with the pause button.
Review
by Throcksmorton
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Interesting Kung Fu moves. Somewhat unrealistic. Best scene of the movie was when Kung Fu fighter gets arm broken by TNT Jackson. Enjoyed Asian setting. There was a rather greasy looking fellow who beckoned whenever TNT needed help.
Additional comments on TNT Jackson by Ahchie:
The part of TNT Jackson was played in classic 70’s fashion by former
playmate Jeanne Bell. One of the more memorable scenes was the topless kung
fu fight between Jackson and a group of bad guys. The bad guys kept turning
the light on, while TNT would turn it off - as if to say she could see the
bad guys in the dark, but they could not see her because of her skin color.
It leaves me to wonder if the great historian, Chicago Cubs manager and black
skin expert, Dusty Baker, was consulted for this
scene. I can hear him now saying, “You can’t see black skin in
the dark, right?” This movie was judged good enough by the Senior Council
to be included in the BMTG Top Ten page as an Honorable Mention.
Review
by Ahchie
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Angry roller-ball movie featuring Miss November of 1969, Claudia Jennings, who plays Avengers star Karen Walker. Karen starts out as an angry cannery worker where she is subject to daily groping in front of her co-workers. Finally fed up, Karen quits in style with the final touch being a smearing of cat food in the face of the cannery boss. Moving on to bigger and better things, Karen is one of the few skaters able to impress the roller derby owners at a local tryout and her star is soon on the rise. Karen finds that everyone on her team seems to be just as angry as she is and she thrives in her new surroundings. Quickly threatened by the new girl, current number one star Mickey leads the way in disrobing Karen at a local pool hall and the fun really begins when topless Karen verbally beats down everyone in the room. Falling into an on-again, off-again romance with the patriotic puffy-shirt wearing Nick, Karen continues to battle with Mickey, eventually becoming the new number one star. Nick is somehow involved with the team, though it is not clear in what capacity as he suits up but rarely skates for the mostly female Avengers team.
Fame follows, with TV commercials, a tricked-out Dodge Charger complete with massive hood ornament set in the middle of the hood, and a forearm tattoo at a place that has a sign saying, “Tattoos while you wait.” No amount of stardom, however, can kill the anger burning inside the young Avenger as anything anyone says or does is met with her customary verbal beat-down.
There are fights aplenty on and off the derby ring. Mickey ends up in the hospital, while Karen gets beat up in the parking lot by her own teammates, who use whatever is handy to administer the beating, including the antenna from Karen’s very own tricked-out car.
The
roller derby league turns out to be a two-team league with the Avengers and
Demons battling it out every time. The announcers point out early in the film
that the current match-up is the sixth match in a row between the two teams.
Despite the single location for games, the Avengers still find a need to use
their team bus to go on the road. The fans, all of whom appear to have season
tickets and somehow manage to sit in multiple locations from play to play
during the games, don’t seem to care as long as there is plenty of fighting
and plenty of popcorn. During Karen’s rise to the top, Mickey, who resembles
a clean shaven Johnny Damon, gets traded to the Demons, but it doesn’t
seem to matter which team anyone is on, as players beat each other up regardless
of who they skate for. Karen’s problem, besides her unrelenting anger,
is that she is not a team player and fails to follow the wrestling-style script.
Eventually a new number one star comes along to take over and Karen goes on
a final angry rampage.
There are many colorful supporting characters that make this film complete, including the elderly drunk team doctor, who prefers to use only his hands when examining new recruits. There is a grumpy old janitor, who seems to have many jobs, ranging from cleaning up before and after the games to guarding the run-down arena. His day is so full that he ends up sitting on the front steps of the arena during his off-hours just waiting for the next day to begin. The Avengers team manager is a loud, Shelly Winters type, who rattles off dirty jokes that mainly she laughs at between pep talks designed to break the spirit of her own team.
Set in the hometown of the Ukraine Brothers, San Diego, The Unholy Rollers is a cinematic delight. Karen is clearly the inspiration for Heather Graham’s portrayal of Rollergirl in Boogie Nights, without the anger. Martin Scorcese got credit as the supervising editor, and it is arguably among his finest work.
White Shadow (Coolidge wants to go pro)
Review
by The Diesel
Coolidge had some life changing decisions to make about his transition from High School to College/NBA star. While LeBron might be rolling in a hummer, Coolidge got a ride from a foxy B-Ball fan and then I fell asleep. The Ukraine Brothers told me he worked it out and he had made the right decision. The Bill Walton comparison to Coolidge is well worth the cost of getting to see this one.
Review
by Ahchie
Starring
Bela Lugosi, White Zombie was perhaps the first zombie movie ever made, coming
36 years before George Romero made zombies famous. Before Night of the Living
Dead tarnished the reputations of zombies with its all they do is eat brains
portrayal, zombies were actually considered as an alternative to cheap labor.
In fact, disguised as a horror movie, White Zombie was really just a study
in the pros and cons of using zombies for slave labor (see below for a list
of arguments for and against).
The
film starts out with a couple inexplicably traveling all the way to the most
remote area in Haiti to get married at a rich man’s plantation. Apparently
no family members were invited and the sense is that the couple just wanted
to get really far away.
Being
the only girl on the island, the bride to be quickly becomes a target. After
marketing his zombie slaves as being suitable to work in the sugar mill as
well as on the plantation, the local zombie slave lord and the plantation
owner make a gentleman’s bet on whether or not the plantation owner
can win over the girl and get her to fall out of love with her fiancé.
To make things easier, and significantly lessen his own chances of