28 Days Later (2002)
Alligator People, The (1959)
Amazing Transparent Man, The (1960)
American Psycho (2000)
Black Mama, White Mama (1972)
Breaker! Breaker! (1977)
Cabin Fever (2002)
Children of the Living Dead (2001)
Choppers, The (1961)
Chrome and Hot Leather (1971)
Deadly Eyes (1982)
Death Wish I through V (1974 to 1994)
Death Wish I through V - A Study
of the Super Hero Characteristics of Kersey's Vigilante
Diesel's Eye Surgery, The (2004)
Don't Open Till Christmas (1985)
Fight Club (1999)
From Beyond the Grave (1975)
Gorilla at Large (1954)
Happy Days - Demolition Derby/Fonzie Loves
Pinkie (1976)
Human Tornado, The (1976)
Humanoids From the Deep (1980)
In the Year 2889 (1967)
Invasion of the Bee Girls (1973)
Island of Dr. Moreau, The (1977)
Jack Frost (1997)
Jack O'Lantern, a.k.a Jack-o (1995)
Jamaica: ER
Karachi Kops: Gang of Four
Lady Cocoa (1975)
Last Dinosaur, The (1977)
Legacy of Blood (1978)
Man in the Brown Suit, The (1989)
Minnesota vs. Lakers Playoff Game #3, Final
Quarter and Overtime (2003)
Mister Scarface (1976)
Orloff Against the Invisible Man (1971)
Psychomania (1971)
R.O.T.O.R. (1989)
Scream of the Wolf (1974) 
Severed Arm, The (1973)
Snowbeast (1977)
Spiders (2000)
TNT Jackson (1975)
Unholy Rollers (1972)
White Shadow (Coolidge wants to go pro)
White Zombie (1932)
Wizard of Oz / Dark Side of the Moon
Zardoz (1974)
# - C | D - H | I - K | L - R | S - Z
Review
by Throcksmorton
Epic movie. Stellar perfomances by NFL players Mean Joe Greene and Gene Washington.
Filmed in picturesque Lake Tahoe. Lady Cocoa plays mob informant released
into the custody of a rather old guy who looks likes Mr. Willis from The Jeffersons.
Gene Washington protects Lady Cocoa like no other.
Lots of twists and turns. It turns out that the Mr. Willis look alike is in cahoots with Mean Joe Greene –the assassin.
Additional comments on Lady Cocoa by Archie:
Lola Falana starred as Lady Cocoa and came off as a sickly crack addict with
a vulgar mouth that is best encapsulated in the scene where she compares a
piece of bad artwork on the wall with a used kotex. While she had too many
lines, Mean Joe Greene did not have one speaking part in the entire movie.
This film started with tons of potential, but quickly went into a downward
spiral that it never could recover from. Very disappointing and not recommended.
Review
by The Diesel
 |
Prepare to meet your Messiah - they call him Masten Thrust. Male role models have become increasingly difficult to find in today’s overexposed society. Every other day an apparent role model is forced to tearfully apologize for a youthful indiscretion or he innocently gets a few youngsters drunk on his ranch. The Last Dinosaur is the story of the last great hunt of Masten Thrust, an old, grizzled, big game hunter who serves as role model supreme. Despite his haggard features and bulbous nose, the females, including Joan Van Ark, are attracted to him like Meatloaf is to cheesy lyrics. Thrust is openly sexist and makes no apologies for his elaborate lifestyle, which includes a red kerchief and a private jet with a working fireplace.
Thrust embarks on a mission to find and hunt the last dinosaur on earth when ironically, after a rich full life, he is truly the last dinosaur. Despite his propensity for yelling at everyone in his presence, his employees and lady friends are unwaveringly loyal to him. He may act as though he’s perpetually drunk, but make no mistake, if he calls you a “Ding Dong” you are a “Ding Dong”.
Not to be denied his own ballad, Thrust’s song shamelessly praises him and his manliness. A sampling of lyrics includes: "Few men have ever done, what he has done, or even dreamed, what he has dreamed/Few men have even tried, what he has tried, most men have failed, where he’s prevailed/The world holds nothing new in store for him, and things that startle you and me, are just a bore to him/Few men have ever lived, as he has lived, or even walked, where he has walked”. Even BMTG banned artist Clay Aiken could belt out those lyrics and become an ass-kicking machine.
Thrust
and his crew of scientists strap themselves into the “Polar Borer”
wearing mini bike helmets, though Thrust affords himself the luxury of the
red kerchief around his neck. The giant human filled drill bit digs through
the earth and ice to come popping out into a lagoon. Dinosaurs from the air
and land soon descend upon the scientists forcing Thrust and crew to run for
their lives. After narrowly escaping a charging dino, Masten lays back and
blasts out a hearty laugh, not so much to celebrate life but to acknowledge
“the game is afoot”.
Soon after, it is little surprise that we see a few slightly hunched over cavemen sneaking peeks at their visitors. Thrust, not content with simply killing a dinosaur, decides then to make it his mission to bag a cavebroad. Throughout the movie, the lone T-Rex contradicts the belief that dinosaurs have a brain the size of a peanut. Despite its enormous size, the local T-Rex is able to sidle up next to its victims virtually unnoticed. With the element of surprise, T-Rex simply crushes a scientist or two and loots the campsite. Every so often the bloated and craggily faced Thrust is seen yelling at someone, shooting at something or flirting with a primitive J-Lo in manly fashion.
Thrust is like James Tiberius Kirk, not only in his addiction to love, but also when is comes to making complicated weapons using limited natural resources in a short period of time. Thrust and the remaining crewmembers construct a highly accurate catapult that flings a large boulder into the skull of the cunning T-Rex. Upon realizing that even he, Masten Thrust, cannot top this addition to his trophy case, Thrust decides to stay in his prehistoric surroundings. The ever-dwindling crew then leaves Thrust to live out his days with his lovely, although a bit gamey, cavewoman and introduce her to his personal collection of STDs.
This
is only a brief synopsis of a movie so complicated and rich in BMTG tradition
that it takes several viewings to absorb its message and realize that Masten
Thrust is the answer. The press conference, complete with a yelling Thrust,
mumbling reporters, and the introduction of the great Bunta, is a classic
moment. Also look for a body, resembling a dead Ricky Schroeder, lying on
some logs, and the most powerful use of someone being called a “Ding-Dong”
in cinematic history.
Review
by The Diesel
Like Steve Howe and Eric Roberts, the Legacy of Blood (LoB) starts with so much promise only to be a casualty of its own shortcomings. All of the elements were there; bad acting, bad story, strange deaths, and a 70's wardrobe. LoB is soiled by excessive dialogue and long periods of standing around waiting for nothing to happen. An impressive listing of the highlights include:
Despite those tempting highlights, do not be fooled into watching the LoB. The time span in between each measurable highlight may be brief, time wise, but physiologically they are unbearable. LoB is the equivalent to Astroturf in that, while it may appear functional, it is actually soulless, full of uneven seams, and bad for the knees.
Man in the Brown Suit, The (1989)
Review
by The Diesel
Viewed
by the BMTG as a tribute to Tony Randall shortly after his death, this Agatha
Christie mystery turned out to be absolutely unwatchable. While far from his
best work, The Man in the Brown Suit (TMITBS) is a milestone effort by Randall,
as it serves as his coronation as the king of the metrosexuals. The well dressed,
properly mannered, neat half of the odd couple has frequently been accused
of being a light dancer. Until you learn of his personal life, in which he
was married twice and fathered children, it was easy to misinterpret Tony’s
feminine mannerisms, love of Broadway, and general perkiness as key indicators
of his sexual preferences.
While
TMITBS allowed Randall to again try on several roles, as he did in the Seven
Faces of Dr. Lao, the depth at which he portrays his female characters makes
Dustin Hoffman's "Tootsie" seem as feminine as Teresa
Heinz Kerry in comparison. No BMTG member can hear the words “brown
suit” without conjuring up sickening mental images of Tony Randall in
his various costumes. It can be said without argument that the groundwork
Randall laid out with his performance in TMITBS invented the metrosexual label
and later led to his popular appearances on the Late Show with David Letterman.
Tony
is supported by BMTG favorites Rue McClanahan, Ken Howard, and Stephanie Zimbalist,
yet somehow the movie fails to deliver as expected. Zimbalist, however, continues
to turn the heads of the male Murder, She Wrote crowd in her role as a tourist
who is both intelligent and sensual.
Unfortunately,
her performance, coupled with her starring role in Elvis and the Beauty Queen,
still invades the dreams of the cardiac-compromised Throcksmorton. In
his dreams Throcksmorton believes that he is the giant, severely constipated,
Elvis Aaron Presley lying dead on the bathroom floor with the vivacious "Zimby"
performing CPR on his bloated chest. Every time he has this dream, Throcksmorton
Elvis is unable to reach the beautiful light before waking up, wildly reaching
for Stephanie. The now wide-awake Throcksmorton then runs immediately to the
mirror where he feverishly shaves off his grotesquely excessive chest hair
to see something more shocking than Tony Randall dressed in drag. Two small
hand prints, exactly the same size of Stephanie Zimbalist's, are somehow telepathically
imprinted onto his chest in the very same place that she was giving the giant,
constipated, Throcksmorton Elvis cardio-pulmonary resuscitation.
Minnesota vs. Lakers Playoff Game #3, Final Quarter and Overtime (2003)
Review
by The Diesel
The BMTG crowd was extremely disgusted by what appeared to be blatant favoritism by the referees on behalf of the Lakers. Wally Szczerbiak was called for a couple of critical phantom fouls and the overall number of poor calls in the last period+ was staggering. After each dreadful incident, you would hear Rainman yell "just wait," followed by Congo stating, "Oh, it gets worse". Rainman and Congo increased their ominous visions until only few seconds remained in regulation when they warned in unison, "You haven't seen anything yet." Their warnings almost caused me to turn away but how could I? With the oversized 22-inch screen blasting my eyes, I hung on every move and every word of the Tahoe Park duet. Congo and Rainman eagerly anticipated the next poor officiating decision while at the same time despising those who made it. These two often don't function well as a team, yet tonight they were both in the zone and acted as one. "Look at that", "No way", "That's nothing", etc... went back and forth as though they had rehearsed for hours. My heart was racing as I expected an official to pull out a Saturday night special and waste the boy-giant, Kevin Garnett. My worst fears were never realized and the game resumed to its conclusion. T-Wolves won.
Review
by The Diesel
Jack
Palance's role as a mildly scarred Italian mobster is exaggerated and uninspired.
Palance's lipless gaunt face is prominently featured on the DVD cover but
that is misleading as he is underutilized in this film. Believe It or Not,
Palance mismanages his ATM balance and writes a bad check to cover a gambling
debt at a rival gang's gambling shack, which can be best described as an Old
West crackhouse. The gang leader is upset about the bounced check but is fearful
of asking breathless Jack for the cash, as he is easily agitated.
The central character is a young man who is trying to make his way up the ranks as a legitimate businessman. The kid normally scurries about town in his dune buggy, sporting worn out jeans and a Yanni concert shirt, while effortlessly busting heads to collect overdue protection money. While he likes to look at the ladies, his voyeurism is always brief, as he has his eye on the prize and it takes cash to keep the dune buggy rolling in top form. The kid ingeniously conjures up a bait and switch plan to take the money back from Mr. Scarface that would have Danny Ocean taking notes. After stealing back the funds, the kid is pursued by Mr. Scarface as well as his own boss because he stole more money than was owed.
The
kid platonically, or so it seems, hooks up with a another fella, who at first
appears to only serve as the obligatory white, blonde-haired American. Blondie
was also kicked out of the gang the same day as the kid for some minor youthful
indiscretion. Eventually, Blondie proves himself worthy by killing cartloads
of Dagos with reckless abandon (it takes five Dagos to fill a wagon). This
over-dubbed story has limited appeal and quality b-movie moments are few even
if your standard for quality is on its lowest setting. If you like overdubbed
movies in which many of the 20 characters share the same voice and the translation
of dialogue is at times confusing, then this should be in your collection.
While this movie may have paved the way for Al Pacino's Scarface, it is with
good reason that these movies are polar opposites of each other. Seeing Pacino
storm into a garage and shout, "Say hello to my little dune buggy"
doesn't play as well in Miami as it does in Rome.
Orloff Against the Invisible Man (1971)
Review
by The Diesel
 |
The French have done it again. Invisible men who later turn out to be faded gorillas with no control of their vocal cords are a treat. For the local Sexologist there were naked babes aplenty (special DVD feature has clothed versions of naked scenes for DQ and Worley types). While the ladies did look as though they were sitting on the shoulders of Ben Wallace or Artis Gilmore it's not fair to be derogatory of the superbush. A pivotal scene in which the young daughter is attacked by a gorilla man on a bed of flying hay is effective in both the nude and clothed versions. Dr Orloff can't be trusted and lies several times in the movie.
Review
by The Diesel
 |
Tom (Nicky Henson) was at a turning point in his life. Having just turned twenty he realized that he was merely the unattractive leader of an unintimidating British motorcycle gang that used flavorful language, which referred to the "police" as the "fuzz" and being "arrested" as "busted." Tom thought there had to be more to life than turtlenecks, synchronized bike riding, and monogrammed clothing.
Tom
was right. With the help of a few frogs, the family butler Shadwell (George
Sanders), and Satan, Tom transforms himself, and eventually his motorbike
minions, into immortals on wheels. For kicks, repellant Tom continues to wear
his stylish monogrammed turtlenecks and ride around with his friends in a
well-organized, nearly poetic manner. The difference was that he could now
do so without ever being killed or hurt. Even disgusting Tom's bike is supercharged.
When he drives his bike through a brick wall not only is he unscathed but
his bike comes out spic-and-span.
At first, the gang uses their newfound immortality for good clean fun, which is to be expected after seeing their fantastic homemade funeral wreaths. Soon the fun filled hyjinks turn sour as the gang rides over a baby carriage in the middle of a supermarket, knocks a painter off his ladder, and take blind corners at breakneck speeds. The violence worsens, as they require more and more extreme antics to get their kicks.
Psychomania is not for the faint of heart as demonstrated by Ahchie who pretended to fall asleep during the movie in a transparent attempt to shield his eyes and calm his fears. The cardiac compromised Throcksmorton has not yet been cleared to see Psychomania and likely never will, despite it being a highly recommended BMTG feature.
Notable scenes include:
Review
by The Diesel
R.O.T.O.R. - Robotic Officer of Tactical Operations Research.
It is rare that I endorse a movie without Robert Pine with a double-thumbs up; however, I hoist my mangled thumbs towards the heavens for R.O.T.O.R. without reservation. This movie forces you to realize how our lives are so subservient to technology and that when it fails our lives can be irreversibly damaged. Milli Vanilli encountered a small technological glitch some time back that damaged their lives, "Girl you know it's, Girl you know, Girl you know, Girl you know…". I even read about an obese man who was taking care of business (TCB) at an automatic flush toilet and had his spincter dislodged and a meter of colon pulled out. Every few years it's a robot cop who blows a fuse and rampages about the city hurting human folk. R.O.T.O.R. is such a story.
 |
R.O.T.O.R. is the acronym for a cop robot built by a tough straightforward human cop, Captain Coldyron, who now must shut down his flawed creation. Long drawn out scenes of Captain Coldyron riding his horse, getting ready for work, extraordinarily bad dialogue, and Captain Coldyron sporting huge Blue Blockers, make R.O.T.O.R. the Citizen Kane of the mustached robot cop genre. Captain Coldyron raises the stakes when he refuses to compromise his efforts and informs his corrupt boss, "I'll make more noise than two skeletons making love in a tin coffin," then promptly makes a career change.
As with most rampaging robot flicks, an improbable power surge to the robot causes it to misinterpret his objectives and deliver Death Wish style justice. A young, soon to be married, couple is arguing as they drive along the freeway, when R.O.T.O.R spots a minor infraction and starts his pursuit. The driver, frustrated that his fiancée does not agree with him, yells at her, "Look at you, you look like you got both eyes coming out of the same hole." R.O.T.O.R has seen enough and promptly pulls the guy over and blasts his brains out. The newly single white female (NSWF) frantically drives the car through the desert for the next hour as she is pursued by the battery powered cop.
Captain
Coldyron gets involved and decides that the only way to save the world, or
at least a small county in Texas, is to destroy R.O.T.O.R. Along the way,
he picks up a female scientist who resembles a young Bea Arthur with a Tony
Little type physique. During a philosophical robot rant, Captain Coldyron
gives his definition of R.O.T.O.R. as, "A brain without a heart, a conscience
without recognition, a will without a soul." As much as I wanted to believe
that robots are cool, Captain Coldyron was exactly right. The NSWF is chased
by the R.O.T.O.R., but since he can inexplicably replay video of an area shot
20 minutes before he even arrives, it's just a matter of time before he gets
her.
NSWF continues to get away until Captain Coldyron and the Bea Little scientist do some hand to hand with R.O.T.O.R. Sadly, Bea Little is killed just before Captain Coldyron is able to string up R.O.T.O.R. with some explosive twine and send…it… straight…. to… hell!!! We can remember Bea Little by her memorable line, "I'm like a cemetery, I'll take anybody," but it's easier to just recall her 80's perm with a skunk streak down the center. While most of their attributes cancel each other out, two distinctive features raise R.O.T.O.R. above the popular Robocop:
In
the final scene the Bea Little character returns and is frighteningly identified
as R.O.T.O.R II. Since the original R.O.T.O.R. closely resembled Jeff Foxworthy,
you can ask yourself a few simple questions to determine if you are a R.O.T.O.R.
and the real you is dead: